Tips for Dealing with Cops and Arrest
Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 2:42 pm
Over the years, I have interacted with the police in good and bad ways. Most of us have--some worse than others. I also have friends who have had experiences with the cops and the legal system. With all the stuff in the news about the how bad consequences are when ordinary citizens run afoul the police, here are some tips on how to avoid becoming a statistic.
First, how do you get busted? In a nutshell, you stand out in some way. Don't stand out. The best way to do this is to avoid the cops altogether. If you're not there, they can't bust you. But this is not particularly helpful advice because you can't always avoid them and, at times, you will have to deal with them. So how can you minimize bad things from happening?
Understand first and foremost that interacting with cops is an infantilizing experience. In other words, society is full of this type of role-playing where one party plays the child and the other plays the adult. In this case, you are the child and the policeman is the adult. You're the untrustworthy little brat trying to get away with something and he is the strict disciplinarian parental figure. It may be degrading but that's how it is. Accept it and use it to your advantage. Understand also that cops have a job to do and they appreciate it when you make their job easier by cooperating. When you don't cooperate, mean ol' daddy gonna take off his belt and whack yo fanny. So play the game, you have no choice.
First off, be polite, be respectful, conduct yourself with some dignity. Don’t kiss ass as that just makes them feel contempt for you. Keep in mind that cops are trained to be observant because their lives depend on it and many of them are extremely observant as a result. What this means is don't try to bullshit your way out of anything because he'll probably trip you up. Cops are trained to recognize certain behaviors a person subconsciously employs while lying out his ass. So don't lie. Once you're caught in a lie, you're fucked. Plain and simple, you're fucked. This game has rules and the rulebook says that once a cop catches you in a lie, you forfeit your right to be treated with kid gloves. Those gloves come off in a hurry. Case in point, back in the 80s while I was stationed in Norfolk, VA, I went to a punk show as I did virtually every weekend. At one point, some Nazi skins crashed it and started trouble and a brawl broke out. To my delight, the punks banded together and threw the assholes out. One called the cops. When the cops got there, the skins were in their cars yelling shit and flipping the bird. A female cop went over to one skin who was the worst offender and asked his name. He said something. She demanded ID and he finally had to hand it over. She took one look at his ID and grabbed him by the ear and pulled him out of the car—by his ear—and he was yelling in pain! "When I ask for your name," she said, pointing into his face, "you better give me your real name—you got that??" she yelled. They took him away in a squad car. That's what I mean. Don't bullshit the cops and think you'll get away with it. You might but then you might not and it won’t go well for in the latter case. So consider yourself warned: If you are caught bullshitting—look out. This cop became a mean mommy pissed at sonny-boy for fibbing. Remember, it's the game you have to play and this one has pretty serious consequences.
When a cop is questioning you, look him in the eye but not defiantly. Refusal to meet his eyes tells him you're hiding something and you don't want that. Don't smirk, of course, that will really piss him off and you definitely don't want that. Don't smile. To him, you're either smiling wide enough to hide something or you are not taking him seriously and he will be sure to wipe that smile off your face before you part company. Look him in the eye and keep a straight face and answer him truthfully and you should get along just fine. Even if it's dark out and he's holding a flashlight in your face, turn your face towards him when you say something so you look like you want to look him in the eye if that damn flashlight beam wasn't in your face. He understands. Keeping your eyes straight ahead or staring at the floor of your car or at the ground when answering is not a good way to win his confidence.
He is in the parental position and so you have to let him have psychological dominance over you. Refusing to degrade yourself this way can result in your being arrested so, again, play the game. As an example, I was pulled over earlier this year coming back from a 24-hour diner. It was 11 pm and I was driving through a neighborhood adjacent to mine. Someone got behind me uncomfortably close so I sped up a bit. Suddenly, the lights went on. It was a cop. As he got to my window, he asked something no cop has ever asked me on a traffic stop: "Am I going to find any drugs or alcohol in your car, sir?" No, I said. I was only coming back from a late dinner and hadn't been drinking or doing drugs. He asked why I wasn't coming to full stops or using my turn signals. "Well... you know..." I said. I mean, it's 11 p.m. in a neighborhood with no cars on the street other than my own. He understood that and didn't press me to answer him explicitly. He asked for ID and registration. As I was digging the registration from my glove box he asked what the IV bag was for. I had an IV bag on the floor in the back. I explained it was for my poor kitty who passed away in November who had renal failure and couldn't process water anymore but that the IV only helped minimally and I had to put him to sleep after trying it for a few days and that I meant to return the IV bag to the vet so they could dispose of it properly but I kept forgetting. This was the complete truth—that's all it was. Now, I could have said, "None of your business!" But the rules of the game say I should put myself in the psychologically submissive position. It worked. He told me to forget the registration and went back to his cruiser with my license, came back about 30 seconds later, handed it back to me and said. "Okay, sir, let's use our turn signals and come to full stops at stop signs, okay?" "You got it," I said and he bade me a good night and drove off. If I refused to let him psychologically dominate me, then I am the child who talks back to his parent and, as a result, I am going to get my mouth smacked. So be a good child.
I once watched a black woman get illegally arrested for refusing to show a cop ID when he requested it. She was right. She did not have to show him ID so why did she get arrested? Because when he asked for ID she said, " I don't have to show you any ID." Bam! Bad career move. Probably few white people could get away with that so you KNOW that no black person will. She wouldn't allow him to psychologically dominate her so she got arrested. So should she have showed him ID? That would have helped probably. But all she had to say was, "Do I have to show you my ID?" He has to tell her yes or no. If he says no, THEN she can refuse. He may not like that but it was so by-the-book that it leaves him in the position of looking really bad now if he arrests her. Really, he can't arrest her because he just told her she didn't have to. If he arrests her anyway and it's being recorded, he may just lose his job or receive an official reprimand.
But what do you do when you run into an asshole cop? The best you can. First of all, KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!!!! There comes a time when playing the game right won't help you because the cop is a complete dick. He can disregard the rules but you can't. At that point, you have to go into defense mode and hope for the best. The best way to defend yourself when this jerk-off is overstepping his bounds is to know that he is overstepping them and informing him of that fact. He may just say, "SHUT UP!!" but you have to at least try. When you suspect this cop is just trying to meet his quotas for arrests or tickets (and don't let cops bullshit you—they have such quotas), show him you know your rights.
A cop who wants to search your car might request you get out of your car by making it sound like an order: "Sir, you want to step out of your car, please?" Sounds like an order but he's really asking you. In some states, if you get out, you've just waived your right to unreasonable search and seizure and he is going to rifle through your car. The thing is, NEVER give a cop permission to search your car!!! If he's out to arrest someone—anyone—then rest assured that if he searches your car, he'll find something. "This your crack pipe, sir?" Of course, it isn't yours but now he can arrest you and when you go before a judge, who is His Honor going to believe—you or the cop who claims he found a crack pipe in your car? NEVER let a cop search your vehicle if you can avoid it. Never give him permission—never! If he does it anyway then at least it was done without your permission and it may get tossed in court. But once you give permission, anything he finds or claims he found you are going to eat it.
So, again, if a cop asks you to step out, ask him, "Are your asking me or ordering me?" He has to tell you. If he's ordering you out, you have to get out. But he can't order you out without probable cause. Short of probable cause he has to ask and you can then refuse and he can't do shit about it (although I did see a cop become so enraged when a driver said no that he swore at him and deliberately drove off with the man's license but imagine what might have happened if he had let the cop search his car). In another case, I saw the cops pull over a woman whom they suspected was running cocaine. They had no warrant or probable cause but she sat in her car and refused to get out and refused to let them search her car. They kept her there for 15 minutes and when it became clear she knew how to play the game and wasn’t going to give in and there was nothing they could legally do, they had to cut her loose.
That’s another thing—don’t let a cop detain you needlessly. If he takes your license and registration back to his vehicle and then returns and stands there bullshitting with you, you should realizing he’s stalling, trying to keep you there. Don’t let that happen. Answer him as concisely as you can and hold your hand out for your license and registration. If he acts like he doesn’t see it, then ask, “May I go?” If he has a reason to keep you there, he will tell you but if he had such a reason he wouldn’t be bullshitting, he would have just told you. So, having no reason, he can’t detain you and must give you back your license and registration. Make sure he answers your question—don’t just start your car and leave unless you want to be charged with fleeing. Make sure he says you can leave and then LEAVE!
Cops are trained to find you suspicious if you stick around to chat, argue or try to get buddy-buddy. You are hiding something. So when a cop says you can go then GO. Start your car and get out of there. Some years ago, my younger brother was driving down a road when a teenaged kid pulled him next to him revving his engine wanting to race. Maybe he saw my brother’s long hair and assumed he was that type of guy. He was wrong. My brother ignored him and kept driving the speed limit. Suddenly, these cops pull up and pull them both over. An older, fat cop told my brother he was getting a ticket for racing. My brother protested that he was doing the speed limit and other guy was trying to get him to race. The cop told him to can it, he was getting a ticket. My brother wisely shut up and shrugged. If the cop is going to ticket you then he’s going to ticket you. Arguing will only get you another ticket on top of it or even get you arrested if you have long hair. Then a younger, thinner cop came up to the older, fat one and they engaged in a spirited conversation that my brother couldn’t hear. Then the younger cop approached my brother and said, “You can leave, sir.” Without further word, my brother started his car and left. That’s the way you do it and any cop will agree.
If you are arrested, it is vitally important that you know your rights. Remember especially the very first one they read to you: You have the right to remain silent. I suggest you use that one. I don’t know how many times I watch something on the ID Channel that shows a suspect talking to the cops trying to get out of a situation. The best way to do that is to SHUT UP!!! Don’t tell them anything! Remember: Anything you say can AND WILL be used against you in a court of law! No matter how good of a deal you think you can cut for yourself, a lawyer would have cut you a better one. Lawyering up can be seen as a sign of guilt but so what? If you give up something during interrogation without a lawyer present that can fuck you, they WILL fuck you with it. Always let a lawyer do your talking. Even short of having a lawyer, just don’t answer their questions. Invoke your right to remain silent and then remain silent. If they have evidence on you then you’re going down, if they don’t then there is nothing they can do about it. Cops LOVE to let you talk and talk and talk. Don’t hand them something to hang you with—keep your trap shut!
Now I’m talking about arrest situations. You’re already a suspect. If the cops knock on your door investigating a rape and murder in the neighborhood the night before and want to know if you saw anything peculiar going on, you’ll want to cooperate with them. Telling them you have nothing to say moves you onto their suspect list. Again, do NOT stand out because the cops will naturally focus on you if you do.
What about situations where you are caught red-handed—say you bought drugs in a sting operation or you arranged to meet a minor for sex? In the case of the latter, again, invoke your right to remain silent and call a lawyer and hope for the best. That’s a stupid situation to get your self into and I’m not particularly sympathetic. In the case of the former, the cops may try to get you to flip on your dealer. I’ve seen a number of these on TV and it seems the cops are reading from a script:
Cop: [Your name], listen! I know you’re scared right now. If I were in your position, I’d be scared too. But listen, [your name], you have to do the right thing here or you’re going away for a long time, pal. Set up a deal with your supplier and we’ll put in a good word with the judge that you helped us out and he’ll take it easy on you. But if you refuse to help us then don’t expect us to help you.”
So the rube flips and sets up a deal with his supplier knowing the guy is going to get busted and when he hangs up, he starts crying like the pitiful wreck he is. Cops love to bust you and put you in this situation. It’s great fun for them. They have hard-ons thinking about how the papers are going to write up how they busted a big drug ring when it was just a bunch of recreational pot smokers and acid-droppers that never did anything to anybody. Most of them are friends and not an actual true drug supply network like you see on TV. It’s truly pathetic watching the cops going after such people but they won’t hesitate if it puts a feather in their cap.
So what should you do if you end up in this situation? Do not flip on your supplier! Do not do anything the police want you to do! Lawyer up immediately! Don’t listen to this bullshit that they won’t help you because you didn’t help them. Your lawyer may be able to get the charges reduced or even dismissed which is WAY better than any deal the cops were offering. I can’t imagine anything worse than being in jail for 18 months while my cred is ruined because I setup my supplier and I could gotten 30 days and been out if I had let a lawyer do the talking. And don’t count on them to help you out in your case as they promised. They don’t have to do shit. Help yourself instead—lawyer up! The cops can’t offer you any kind of a deal, only the public prosecutor can do that. The public prosecutor is a lawyer so you had better have a lawyer on your side to negotiate with him or you’re going to get taken down the primrose path.
The thing is that once you are arrested, you want to avoid any and all jail time. Probation or community service is infinitely better than imprisonment. In lieu of jail after you are arrested, you can instead be served with a notice to appear before a judge instead of taking you downtown to be processed. Of course, it depends on the offense of which you were arrested and whether you have a record but you can ask the arresting officer for a notice to appear instead of sticking you in jail while you await sentencing. That’s another reason not to act like a twat to the cops because if he doesn’t like you, forget it. A notice to appear is the equivalent of an arrest and carries all the same penalties if you are convicted. You could still end up in jail but a notice to appear gives you time to mount a defense which you can’t do if they stick you in jail to await sentencing. Remember that you’re playing the role of the child so if the cop refuses to issue you a notice to appear, cry. Turn on the faucets and make it good. Tell him about your job and your family and how you’ve never been in trouble and that you’re not a flight risk. If that fails, soil yourself and maybe he won’t want to take you downtown in his car—seriously. Even if you’re taken downtown, you can still be issued a notice to appear but it’s much better not to be taken downtown.
If you do get stuck in jail, do your time and be a model prisoner. Don’t offer a cop a bribe. You might think, “Well, duhh!” But you’ll be surprised what you might do when you’re desperate. I know someone who was given a 30-day sentence in a jail cell at the police station. The cop in charge was actually going to let him out after one day—until he offered the cop a bribe to let him out. He ended up doing the full 30 days.
So, in summation, remember:
· Be polite, respectful and dignified.
· Don’t lie.
· Allow yourself to be psychologically dominated with the understanding that you intend to use it to your advantage (some people are so prone to it that they write out confessions even though they are innocent).
· Always put the ball in the cop’s court by asking him if you have to do what he just asked of you because he has to tell you. Then base your next course of action on the response he gives you.
· Never let a cop search your car (in case you’re wondering, I got this piece of advice from an ex-cop).
· Always remember that a judge will never believe you over a cop so even if he lies through his teeth, the judge will believe him (happened to a friend of mine).
· Exercise your right to be silent. You don’t have to invoke a lawyer. You can simply refuse to answer questions. If there’s no evidence, they can’t hold you.
· Lawyer up if charges are serious enough and if you might really be guilty. Never agree to anything the cops offer you unless it goes through your lawyer. Remember that cops can lie to you legally and can promise you anything or tell you anything (your buddy is pinning the whole thing on you or we found your DNA all over the crime scene or you failed the polygraph). You can’t lie to them unless you want to be hit with making a false statement.
· Never flip on your friends, clients or suppliers no matter what the cops threaten you with or you will be stuck in a never-ending nightmare. Lawyer up and shut up.
· Your main interest after being arrested is to avoid jail as much as possible. Always ask for a notice to appear if lieu of arrest. If you have to cry and cajole for one. As a last resort, soil yourself and let him know what you did.
First, how do you get busted? In a nutshell, you stand out in some way. Don't stand out. The best way to do this is to avoid the cops altogether. If you're not there, they can't bust you. But this is not particularly helpful advice because you can't always avoid them and, at times, you will have to deal with them. So how can you minimize bad things from happening?
Understand first and foremost that interacting with cops is an infantilizing experience. In other words, society is full of this type of role-playing where one party plays the child and the other plays the adult. In this case, you are the child and the policeman is the adult. You're the untrustworthy little brat trying to get away with something and he is the strict disciplinarian parental figure. It may be degrading but that's how it is. Accept it and use it to your advantage. Understand also that cops have a job to do and they appreciate it when you make their job easier by cooperating. When you don't cooperate, mean ol' daddy gonna take off his belt and whack yo fanny. So play the game, you have no choice.
First off, be polite, be respectful, conduct yourself with some dignity. Don’t kiss ass as that just makes them feel contempt for you. Keep in mind that cops are trained to be observant because their lives depend on it and many of them are extremely observant as a result. What this means is don't try to bullshit your way out of anything because he'll probably trip you up. Cops are trained to recognize certain behaviors a person subconsciously employs while lying out his ass. So don't lie. Once you're caught in a lie, you're fucked. Plain and simple, you're fucked. This game has rules and the rulebook says that once a cop catches you in a lie, you forfeit your right to be treated with kid gloves. Those gloves come off in a hurry. Case in point, back in the 80s while I was stationed in Norfolk, VA, I went to a punk show as I did virtually every weekend. At one point, some Nazi skins crashed it and started trouble and a brawl broke out. To my delight, the punks banded together and threw the assholes out. One called the cops. When the cops got there, the skins were in their cars yelling shit and flipping the bird. A female cop went over to one skin who was the worst offender and asked his name. He said something. She demanded ID and he finally had to hand it over. She took one look at his ID and grabbed him by the ear and pulled him out of the car—by his ear—and he was yelling in pain! "When I ask for your name," she said, pointing into his face, "you better give me your real name—you got that??" she yelled. They took him away in a squad car. That's what I mean. Don't bullshit the cops and think you'll get away with it. You might but then you might not and it won’t go well for in the latter case. So consider yourself warned: If you are caught bullshitting—look out. This cop became a mean mommy pissed at sonny-boy for fibbing. Remember, it's the game you have to play and this one has pretty serious consequences.
When a cop is questioning you, look him in the eye but not defiantly. Refusal to meet his eyes tells him you're hiding something and you don't want that. Don't smirk, of course, that will really piss him off and you definitely don't want that. Don't smile. To him, you're either smiling wide enough to hide something or you are not taking him seriously and he will be sure to wipe that smile off your face before you part company. Look him in the eye and keep a straight face and answer him truthfully and you should get along just fine. Even if it's dark out and he's holding a flashlight in your face, turn your face towards him when you say something so you look like you want to look him in the eye if that damn flashlight beam wasn't in your face. He understands. Keeping your eyes straight ahead or staring at the floor of your car or at the ground when answering is not a good way to win his confidence.
He is in the parental position and so you have to let him have psychological dominance over you. Refusing to degrade yourself this way can result in your being arrested so, again, play the game. As an example, I was pulled over earlier this year coming back from a 24-hour diner. It was 11 pm and I was driving through a neighborhood adjacent to mine. Someone got behind me uncomfortably close so I sped up a bit. Suddenly, the lights went on. It was a cop. As he got to my window, he asked something no cop has ever asked me on a traffic stop: "Am I going to find any drugs or alcohol in your car, sir?" No, I said. I was only coming back from a late dinner and hadn't been drinking or doing drugs. He asked why I wasn't coming to full stops or using my turn signals. "Well... you know..." I said. I mean, it's 11 p.m. in a neighborhood with no cars on the street other than my own. He understood that and didn't press me to answer him explicitly. He asked for ID and registration. As I was digging the registration from my glove box he asked what the IV bag was for. I had an IV bag on the floor in the back. I explained it was for my poor kitty who passed away in November who had renal failure and couldn't process water anymore but that the IV only helped minimally and I had to put him to sleep after trying it for a few days and that I meant to return the IV bag to the vet so they could dispose of it properly but I kept forgetting. This was the complete truth—that's all it was. Now, I could have said, "None of your business!" But the rules of the game say I should put myself in the psychologically submissive position. It worked. He told me to forget the registration and went back to his cruiser with my license, came back about 30 seconds later, handed it back to me and said. "Okay, sir, let's use our turn signals and come to full stops at stop signs, okay?" "You got it," I said and he bade me a good night and drove off. If I refused to let him psychologically dominate me, then I am the child who talks back to his parent and, as a result, I am going to get my mouth smacked. So be a good child.
I once watched a black woman get illegally arrested for refusing to show a cop ID when he requested it. She was right. She did not have to show him ID so why did she get arrested? Because when he asked for ID she said, " I don't have to show you any ID." Bam! Bad career move. Probably few white people could get away with that so you KNOW that no black person will. She wouldn't allow him to psychologically dominate her so she got arrested. So should she have showed him ID? That would have helped probably. But all she had to say was, "Do I have to show you my ID?" He has to tell her yes or no. If he says no, THEN she can refuse. He may not like that but it was so by-the-book that it leaves him in the position of looking really bad now if he arrests her. Really, he can't arrest her because he just told her she didn't have to. If he arrests her anyway and it's being recorded, he may just lose his job or receive an official reprimand.
But what do you do when you run into an asshole cop? The best you can. First of all, KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!!!! There comes a time when playing the game right won't help you because the cop is a complete dick. He can disregard the rules but you can't. At that point, you have to go into defense mode and hope for the best. The best way to defend yourself when this jerk-off is overstepping his bounds is to know that he is overstepping them and informing him of that fact. He may just say, "SHUT UP!!" but you have to at least try. When you suspect this cop is just trying to meet his quotas for arrests or tickets (and don't let cops bullshit you—they have such quotas), show him you know your rights.
A cop who wants to search your car might request you get out of your car by making it sound like an order: "Sir, you want to step out of your car, please?" Sounds like an order but he's really asking you. In some states, if you get out, you've just waived your right to unreasonable search and seizure and he is going to rifle through your car. The thing is, NEVER give a cop permission to search your car!!! If he's out to arrest someone—anyone—then rest assured that if he searches your car, he'll find something. "This your crack pipe, sir?" Of course, it isn't yours but now he can arrest you and when you go before a judge, who is His Honor going to believe—you or the cop who claims he found a crack pipe in your car? NEVER let a cop search your vehicle if you can avoid it. Never give him permission—never! If he does it anyway then at least it was done without your permission and it may get tossed in court. But once you give permission, anything he finds or claims he found you are going to eat it.
So, again, if a cop asks you to step out, ask him, "Are your asking me or ordering me?" He has to tell you. If he's ordering you out, you have to get out. But he can't order you out without probable cause. Short of probable cause he has to ask and you can then refuse and he can't do shit about it (although I did see a cop become so enraged when a driver said no that he swore at him and deliberately drove off with the man's license but imagine what might have happened if he had let the cop search his car). In another case, I saw the cops pull over a woman whom they suspected was running cocaine. They had no warrant or probable cause but she sat in her car and refused to get out and refused to let them search her car. They kept her there for 15 minutes and when it became clear she knew how to play the game and wasn’t going to give in and there was nothing they could legally do, they had to cut her loose.
That’s another thing—don’t let a cop detain you needlessly. If he takes your license and registration back to his vehicle and then returns and stands there bullshitting with you, you should realizing he’s stalling, trying to keep you there. Don’t let that happen. Answer him as concisely as you can and hold your hand out for your license and registration. If he acts like he doesn’t see it, then ask, “May I go?” If he has a reason to keep you there, he will tell you but if he had such a reason he wouldn’t be bullshitting, he would have just told you. So, having no reason, he can’t detain you and must give you back your license and registration. Make sure he answers your question—don’t just start your car and leave unless you want to be charged with fleeing. Make sure he says you can leave and then LEAVE!
Cops are trained to find you suspicious if you stick around to chat, argue or try to get buddy-buddy. You are hiding something. So when a cop says you can go then GO. Start your car and get out of there. Some years ago, my younger brother was driving down a road when a teenaged kid pulled him next to him revving his engine wanting to race. Maybe he saw my brother’s long hair and assumed he was that type of guy. He was wrong. My brother ignored him and kept driving the speed limit. Suddenly, these cops pull up and pull them both over. An older, fat cop told my brother he was getting a ticket for racing. My brother protested that he was doing the speed limit and other guy was trying to get him to race. The cop told him to can it, he was getting a ticket. My brother wisely shut up and shrugged. If the cop is going to ticket you then he’s going to ticket you. Arguing will only get you another ticket on top of it or even get you arrested if you have long hair. Then a younger, thinner cop came up to the older, fat one and they engaged in a spirited conversation that my brother couldn’t hear. Then the younger cop approached my brother and said, “You can leave, sir.” Without further word, my brother started his car and left. That’s the way you do it and any cop will agree.
If you are arrested, it is vitally important that you know your rights. Remember especially the very first one they read to you: You have the right to remain silent. I suggest you use that one. I don’t know how many times I watch something on the ID Channel that shows a suspect talking to the cops trying to get out of a situation. The best way to do that is to SHUT UP!!! Don’t tell them anything! Remember: Anything you say can AND WILL be used against you in a court of law! No matter how good of a deal you think you can cut for yourself, a lawyer would have cut you a better one. Lawyering up can be seen as a sign of guilt but so what? If you give up something during interrogation without a lawyer present that can fuck you, they WILL fuck you with it. Always let a lawyer do your talking. Even short of having a lawyer, just don’t answer their questions. Invoke your right to remain silent and then remain silent. If they have evidence on you then you’re going down, if they don’t then there is nothing they can do about it. Cops LOVE to let you talk and talk and talk. Don’t hand them something to hang you with—keep your trap shut!
Now I’m talking about arrest situations. You’re already a suspect. If the cops knock on your door investigating a rape and murder in the neighborhood the night before and want to know if you saw anything peculiar going on, you’ll want to cooperate with them. Telling them you have nothing to say moves you onto their suspect list. Again, do NOT stand out because the cops will naturally focus on you if you do.
What about situations where you are caught red-handed—say you bought drugs in a sting operation or you arranged to meet a minor for sex? In the case of the latter, again, invoke your right to remain silent and call a lawyer and hope for the best. That’s a stupid situation to get your self into and I’m not particularly sympathetic. In the case of the former, the cops may try to get you to flip on your dealer. I’ve seen a number of these on TV and it seems the cops are reading from a script:
Cop: [Your name], listen! I know you’re scared right now. If I were in your position, I’d be scared too. But listen, [your name], you have to do the right thing here or you’re going away for a long time, pal. Set up a deal with your supplier and we’ll put in a good word with the judge that you helped us out and he’ll take it easy on you. But if you refuse to help us then don’t expect us to help you.”
So the rube flips and sets up a deal with his supplier knowing the guy is going to get busted and when he hangs up, he starts crying like the pitiful wreck he is. Cops love to bust you and put you in this situation. It’s great fun for them. They have hard-ons thinking about how the papers are going to write up how they busted a big drug ring when it was just a bunch of recreational pot smokers and acid-droppers that never did anything to anybody. Most of them are friends and not an actual true drug supply network like you see on TV. It’s truly pathetic watching the cops going after such people but they won’t hesitate if it puts a feather in their cap.
So what should you do if you end up in this situation? Do not flip on your supplier! Do not do anything the police want you to do! Lawyer up immediately! Don’t listen to this bullshit that they won’t help you because you didn’t help them. Your lawyer may be able to get the charges reduced or even dismissed which is WAY better than any deal the cops were offering. I can’t imagine anything worse than being in jail for 18 months while my cred is ruined because I setup my supplier and I could gotten 30 days and been out if I had let a lawyer do the talking. And don’t count on them to help you out in your case as they promised. They don’t have to do shit. Help yourself instead—lawyer up! The cops can’t offer you any kind of a deal, only the public prosecutor can do that. The public prosecutor is a lawyer so you had better have a lawyer on your side to negotiate with him or you’re going to get taken down the primrose path.
The thing is that once you are arrested, you want to avoid any and all jail time. Probation or community service is infinitely better than imprisonment. In lieu of jail after you are arrested, you can instead be served with a notice to appear before a judge instead of taking you downtown to be processed. Of course, it depends on the offense of which you were arrested and whether you have a record but you can ask the arresting officer for a notice to appear instead of sticking you in jail while you await sentencing. That’s another reason not to act like a twat to the cops because if he doesn’t like you, forget it. A notice to appear is the equivalent of an arrest and carries all the same penalties if you are convicted. You could still end up in jail but a notice to appear gives you time to mount a defense which you can’t do if they stick you in jail to await sentencing. Remember that you’re playing the role of the child so if the cop refuses to issue you a notice to appear, cry. Turn on the faucets and make it good. Tell him about your job and your family and how you’ve never been in trouble and that you’re not a flight risk. If that fails, soil yourself and maybe he won’t want to take you downtown in his car—seriously. Even if you’re taken downtown, you can still be issued a notice to appear but it’s much better not to be taken downtown.
If you do get stuck in jail, do your time and be a model prisoner. Don’t offer a cop a bribe. You might think, “Well, duhh!” But you’ll be surprised what you might do when you’re desperate. I know someone who was given a 30-day sentence in a jail cell at the police station. The cop in charge was actually going to let him out after one day—until he offered the cop a bribe to let him out. He ended up doing the full 30 days.
So, in summation, remember:
· Be polite, respectful and dignified.
· Don’t lie.
· Allow yourself to be psychologically dominated with the understanding that you intend to use it to your advantage (some people are so prone to it that they write out confessions even though they are innocent).
· Always put the ball in the cop’s court by asking him if you have to do what he just asked of you because he has to tell you. Then base your next course of action on the response he gives you.
· Never let a cop search your car (in case you’re wondering, I got this piece of advice from an ex-cop).
· Always remember that a judge will never believe you over a cop so even if he lies through his teeth, the judge will believe him (happened to a friend of mine).
· Exercise your right to be silent. You don’t have to invoke a lawyer. You can simply refuse to answer questions. If there’s no evidence, they can’t hold you.
· Lawyer up if charges are serious enough and if you might really be guilty. Never agree to anything the cops offer you unless it goes through your lawyer. Remember that cops can lie to you legally and can promise you anything or tell you anything (your buddy is pinning the whole thing on you or we found your DNA all over the crime scene or you failed the polygraph). You can’t lie to them unless you want to be hit with making a false statement.
· Never flip on your friends, clients or suppliers no matter what the cops threaten you with or you will be stuck in a never-ending nightmare. Lawyer up and shut up.
· Your main interest after being arrested is to avoid jail as much as possible. Always ask for a notice to appear if lieu of arrest. If you have to cry and cajole for one. As a last resort, soil yourself and let him know what you did.