Ways To Annoy People

[Chris OConnor]

Ways To Annoy People

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Ask people what gender they are.

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Speak only in a "robot" voice.

Blow your nose when some one is eating.

Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Name your dog "Dog."

Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Drum on every available surface.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

[Guinivere]

Dear Chris,

Everything you write reminds me of British humor. Do you have a book published? Have you ever considered becoming a charismatic cult leader? Just wondering. I have a funny story. I was trying to get signed up on a website as a new member. All of the user names i wanted to use were taken. So, I tried the name Boogerface to see if the site had a programming flaw. It went through! And then, I tried to go back and change it and the site kept saying my email was already in the system, so it wouldn't change the name. Fortunately, I emailed them and they said i could change it once i fully signed up. The only problem is that Boogerface seems to be the only name in the world that's not already taken. I tried Murky, Misspiggy, Sugarmagnolia and Rhiannon.

[bibliophile_18]

That happened to me just earlier today. I tried every name I could think of that I could remember and then I just got the crazy idea of the name for one of my (potential) children--Alyxa Rose. Just like that, it went through. I swear the admins didn't find it funny that I tried all the names I could and had to use one for a child. It's--in my mind, anyway--as funny as a banana named Pear.

And I agree with Guinivere, Chris. You should have a book published or something. All of this seems like it would be incredibly funny for US consumers since most people don't know how to have fun and enjoy what life gives them.

[Guinivere]

I stumbled across this site by dumb luck and I'm having a ball reading all this stuff.

[tarav]

I have one to add:

Poke people on the arm to get their attention.

[ayemea]

Wow, this is so funny! I really have to try some of the things out. This really is a great topic.

[Penelope]

How to annoy people!!!

Chris said:-

Wear a LOT of cologne.

I wear 'essential oils' because I don't care for chemical smells.

However, I was standing in a hotel reception area....and I heard an American (or she might have been Canadian...you all sound the same to us Brits)....saying my perfume was pervasive.

I was hurt....but I did thank her....I didn't realise....that when you wear a certain aroma....you can't smell it....but other people find it pervasive.

[Penelope]

I am a trifle disgruntled...about 'essential oils'

Because...I used to wear Patchouli Oil....then I was informed that the Hippies used it to cover up the smell of drugs.....

I have, honestly, never encountered the drug culture....

Our parents used to shake their heads about our love of motorbikes....

I still love motorbikes.....'Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' yeh!!

Oh, Long live Bix Baederbeck!!

[Constance963]

Ways To Annoy People

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Oh. Is that why no one likes me???

[Penelope]

Constance:

08/08/08 - What a nice tidy date!!!!

mine was 10/10/64- quite tidy but not nearly so neat as yours.

My husband has just anounced that he thinks we are incompatible!!!

Because I don't want to walk the Penine Way for my holidays!!!!

44years and now he decides.

I will be thinking about you on 8th August....have a wonderful day!!!!

Love Pen