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If you believe in aliens... 
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 If you believe in aliens...
I found the following joke on the net and for some reason found it really silly, but really funny. I could not find the end of it. Does anybody know how it ends?
:) Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to
the commander in chief...
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of
the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way
through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the
stars."
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them.
The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made
the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to
believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only
sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence
that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several
of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea
the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the
Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the
Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way
through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of
meat!"
"So... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The
meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The
meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to
get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"So what does the meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the
universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The
usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat?"
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio.
'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know
how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping
their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through
their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you
advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all
sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear,
or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget
the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact
with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" 'Hello, meat. How's
it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with
here?" :lol:



Fri Dec 19, 2014 7:52 pm
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Post Re: If you believe in aliens...
:? Hmmmm... This almost sounds like a contest; who can come up with the best punch line. Sorry Crystalline, I don't know this one; wish I did though, it sounds great. :clap2: Since I don't know the correct answer, let me try this one.

"How many planets are we dealing with?"

"Just the one."

"Thank the Prime Cause."


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Fri Dec 19, 2014 10:10 pm
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Post Re: If you believe in aliens...
LOL...Not sure what you mean by Prime Cause...are you talking about "God"?

How about: "If meat gets aggressive, we'll banish it to another quadrant!"

No, that's not too funny...I'm not clever with punch lines :(!!!



Sat Dec 20, 2014 8:50 am
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Post Re: If you believe in aliens...
I did mean God, or the aliens' concept of God; didn't want to get too anthropomorphic.


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Crystalline
Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:00 am
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Post Re: If you believe in aliens...
Somebody found the end of this joke. I really don't understand the end, but I still find the whole conversation very funny...maybe my sense of humor is "strange"??? LOL

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we can marked this sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

"G445" whom are they talking about? :)



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Cattleman
Sun Dec 21, 2014 1:24 pm
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Post Re: If you believe in aliens...
I did a little on-line research, Crystalline, and what you posted is not a joke, but a very short science-fiction story "They're Made Out of Meat" by Terry Bisson. :o The story may be found in his collection, "Bears Discover Fire" and Other Stories. The title story won the Hugo award for best science fiction short story (I'm not sure of the year). The 'punch line' is not like in a joke, it is just a variation of the thought that humanity might be alone in the universe. :wink:

As for G445 (Hope I got that number right); it is simply a fictional variation of such terms as M31 and NGC 224, astronomical designations for the Andromeda Galaxy. Hope this clears it up.

:offtopic: BTW, I have read "Bears Discover Fire" (the story), and enjoyed it.


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Crystalline
Sun Dec 21, 2014 3:27 pm
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Post Re: If you believe in aliens...
Thanks for the research. I still think it's funny!!!



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Sun Dec 21, 2014 4:17 pm
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Post Re: If you believe in aliens...
I did too.


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Love what you do, and do what you love. Don't listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. -Ray Bradbury

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it. -Robert A. Heinlein


Sun Dec 21, 2014 7:40 pm
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