I just received word from eFiction.com that this will be published in the November issue. Kind of exciting.

This is a diary written by an ordinary guy who didn't realize he was one week away from the end of his life.

THE WEEK BEFORE
By Dennis J. D’Amato

SEPTEMBER 4, 2001:

I can’t believe that little Sammy is five today. Or that he started kindergarten yesterday. How can that be? Five years ago I held him in my arms when he was brand spankin’ new. His eyes just barely open but staring at me wondering who the hell I was. But I think he knew deep down who I was. Tricia had just gone through hell. Nineteen hours trying to coax Sammy out into the world. She looked tired and drained. But I could tell that if she had it to do all over, she wouldn’t think twice about it. The look in her eyes that day told me having Sammy was worth every bit of pain she felt. Sammy was here. And that was all that mattered. I have to remember to thank Tricia for that someday. Sometimes I forget things I shouldn’t. I must work on it in the future.

NOTE TO ME: THANK TRICIA FOR SAMMY.

My view is truly amazing. Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I look down on the Brooklyn Bridge from my office. Truly fucking amazing really. I never get tired of taking pictures of it. The boats in the river. The bridge below. The ripples in the water. I often keep my little Nikon in my drawer so I can take pictures when the mood strikes me. I like to get into the office early so I can do some busy work. It’s quiet here around 7:00 a.m. and there are no distractions. That comes later! I have the chance to collect my thoughts. Plan my day. And even write a few words in this diary of mine. Hopefully someday Sammy and Tricia will see it. I hope it doesn’t embarrass or offend either of them. Geeze that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. I can’t worry about that today though. When I get home, there’s gonna be a big party for Sammy. I got him his first baseball glove…real one I mean. Just like the one Derek Jeter wears at the Stadium. Sammy will like that. Jeter is his favorite player. You should see his eyes light up when Jeter is on TV. I can’t wait to see him smile when I give him the glove. Oh, and the tickets to the game next week for him and his friends. That’s going to be the real party, but he doesn’t know it yet. He’s been to the Stadium a couple of times. But he was too young to really get excited about it. This time, he’s going to see Derek, and Bernie, and Pauly, and Mo, and Jorge up close. Right behind the dugout. It’s gonna be great! The crew is coming in. I have to stop now.

NOTE AGAIN TO ME: THANK TRICIA FOR SAMMY.
________________________________________________________________

SEPTEMBER 5, 2001

Sammy’s “fake” party was amazing. I forgot how many little friends he has. That’s kind of what Tricia keeps track of I guess. She’s really something. Everything went off without a hitch. We took Sammy and his friends to his favorite Pizza joint. Twenty little boys and girls having the time of their lives. Some of the moms and dads work a couple of floors up from me. I recognize them when I see them and say hello from time to time. But last night I actually got to know some of them by name. Little Annie looks a lot different as a mom than she does as a stock broker. I wonder if that’s on purpose or not. When she comes to work she’s all decked out and to tell you the truth kind of hot looking in a New York kind of way. At the Pizza joint, she lost all that ‘tude and was just a loving mom spending time with her four year old daughter. It was really kind of neat to see that. But back to Tricia.
Pizzas came out right on time…ten of ‘em. All different kinds of toppings. Sodas and juices, some of those cinnamon rolls you see on TV, all rolling out with efficiency to the delight of the kids. They didn’t know how much work went into planning this party. But I did. It’s easy to take someone like Tricia for granted. Well, there really isn’t anybody exactly like Tricia. The party was a labor of love. Obviously. The double chocolate five layer cake she baked for Sammy…his “flavorite” he calls it…just blew everyone away.

NOTE TO ME: REMEMBER TO THANK TRICIA FOR BEING TRICIA.

But hey, I got some love too last night. Sammy freaked out at his “Derek Jeter Model” glove. It’s a little too big for him, but I assured him that he would grow into it. But the real excitement came when all the kids got an envelope with two tickets to the game next week. One for them and one for a parent. Sammy couldn’t have been more surprised. He’s going to see Derek Jeter with all his friends. You wouldda thought I bought him a Corvette or something for his 16th Birthday. Maybe I will. The tickets cost me a small fortune. But I had a great quarter and got a big bonus. It was worth every penny. Hell, even I’m really geeked up about the party at the Stadium. I have a friend who knows a guy who says he might be able to get Jeter to stop by and say hello. I hope so.

Too bad I couldn’t get the tickets for the Red Sox game next Monday. I got the White Sox on the 11th though. Not quite the same I know. But it’s gonna be great.
_______________________________________________________________________

SEPTEMBER 6, 2001

OK. Fake birthday party is over. Cakes are eaten. Pizza’s devoured. And Tricia is starting to get on my nerves a bit. Evidently she thinks I’m spoiling Sammy with all the stuff I get him. What the fuck? He’s my kid, right? She didn’t think I should have bought all the tickets to the game. Gave me a ration of shit about it last night. It’s not like she didn’t know about it. I guess she didn’t really think I would do it. I don’t know. I thought she knew. Anyway when I got home last night, she was giving me the stink eye. When I asked her why she started crying about something or another. I wasn’t really listening. I had a shitload of stuff on my mind. But at some point, it got to be about me spoiling Sammy. I heard that. I told her that’s what fathers do for their kids. I make a lot of money. I should be able to do whatever I want to do with it. She doesn’t mind living on the Park. She doesn’t mind going to shows and dinners. She sure as hell doesn’t mind having the Black Amex card. She really pissed me off when she complained about my spending. I told her if she didn’t like it, she could go out and get a job and pay for her own shit. As soon as those words came out of my mouth I knew I was an asshole for saying it. I wanted to apologize but she ran out of the room crying. She told me to fuck off. I deserved that.

NOTE TO ME: REMEMBER TO APOLOGIZE TO TRICIA. YOU ASSHOLE.

Maybe I’ll take her out to dinner tonight. Someplace nice. We can get her sister Jess to watch the kid. She likes it. And Sammy really likes her. I’m not sure, but I think I catch him looking at her boobs all the time. Especially when she’s in her little restaurant outfit. She works upstairs at the restaurant in the tower. I’ll have to go up there and grab a sandwich and ask her to watch Sammy. I hope she hasn’t talked to Tricia yet. I don’t think I can handle her calling me an asshole in front of all those people. Even though I probably deserve it.
____________________________________________________________________

SEPTEMBER 7, 2001

Jess came through big time for me last night. She knew about the argument I had with Tricia the night before. She told me that I was an asshole, but that Tricia was a little bit distracted about something, and wasn’t in the mood to argue about anything. She figured that Tricia might have been a bit of an asshole too, so she let me off the hook. Anyway, we went out to dinner. When I got home Tricia was in a great mood. Maybe the two dozen red roses helped. Maybe it was the prospect of having the Risotto at Bice later. I don’t know which one. But she was in a great mood. Even for her. Jess was there when I got home too. She was acting kind of strange too. To tell you the truth, they were acting like schoolgirls, all giggly and what not. Sammy ran out and latched himself onto my leg and we all had a good laugh. Sammy was a little bummed because he wasn’t coming to dinner. But he smiled when he look at Jess and her boobs so I knew he would be OK.

We got to Bice around 8:30. When I made the reservation I told them it was a special night and I wanted a great table. They didn’t let me down. I ordered a Martini for myself and a Gimlet for Tricia, but she said she was just going to have a Pelligrino. We ordered the Risotto as an appetizer and were checking out the dinner when the wine steward came over with the wine list. Tricia said she wasn’t going to have wine and suggested that I just get something by the glass for myself. I told the guy to come back in a few minutes. I have to say I was kind of surprised at this. It’s not like she’s a lush or anything. Not getting a Gimlet I could understand. But no wine with dinner? When I looked at her, she started smiling. Kind of a nervous smile, but a smile for sure. I asked her what’s up. And she just kept smiling. She has an amazing smile by the way. I felt the curious look on my face melt into a smile of my own. I figured it out. How fucking stupid could I be, huh?

I asked her when the baby was due. She said sometime in April.

NOTE TO ME: MAKE SURE TO TELL SAMMY HE’S GOING TO HAVE A BROTHER OR SISTER SOON.

I really lost interest in the meal though. To tell you the truth, I can’t remember what I had. The couple in the table next to us congratulated us. The lady was crying actually. So was Tricia. I think I was too. I can’t wait to tell everyone at work about it. They should be getting in soon. Tricia promised not to tell Sammy until I got home from work tonight. I bet this will be better than the tickets even. ¬¬¬¬
__________________________________________________________________

SEPTEMBER 8, 2001

Finally the weekend. We’re going up to Connecticut for a couple of days. Sammy loves Mystic Seaport and we held off telling him about the new addition until we get up there. There is nothing more fun than a five year old on sensory overload. Sammy’s gonna freak out. I can just see it. He is always asking when he’s going to have a brother. I’ll have to make sure he understands that it might not be a brother. I’m sure he will understand. I hate driving through the 95 corridor. They’ve been working on fixing that fucking thing around New Haven for twenty years. I suppose sooner or later they’ll get it right. But it’s just one nightmare after another when I go through there. Maybe we can stop by The Rock and grab some hot dogs at Turks. I always get a soft shell crab sandwich when Sammy’s around. I mean I like them and all. But mostly I get them because Sammy can’t stop laughing at the claws sticking out of the toast. So I guess I’ll do that on the way.

Tricia was amazing last night after dinner. Sometimes I forget how great it is just to lie down next to her at night. It meant a lot more than usual. You know that warm feeling you get in your stomach when you are close to somebody you love? That feeling? That’s what it was like last night. Except it was like being next to two people you love if you know what I mean. I don’t even know who is in there yet, and I’m already in love.

NOTE TO ME: SOMETIME IN APRIL TELL WHOEVER IS IN THERE HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM.

Enough of that sappy shit. Time to get the car out of the garage and head up to Mystic. With a side step to Turks on the way. Life is pretty fucking great.
______________________________________________________________________

SEPTEMBER 9, 2001

Sammy is a nut. What a great day we had on the way to Mystic. We stopped at Turk’s and I got the soft shell crab sandwich. It was a great one, with a REALLY big claw. I broke it off and stuck it on my nose and started screaming for Sammy to help me. I thought he was going to pee himself laughing right in the restaurant. I always get him when I do that. He insisted on taking his new baseball glove with him. I asked him why and he said he had to get ready to catch a foul ball. I couldn’t argue with that logic. He wore in into Turks. Somehow, he ate a hot dog while he wore the thing without getting a drop of mustard or relish on it. Tricia was giving me the stink eye again. Not like she did the other night. This was a stink eye with a smile. Much more pleasant! After we left Turks we headed over the Q Bridge and made our way out the shoreline to Mystic. Along the way Tricia decided to tell Sammy about the baby. At first he was pretty excited about having a brother. He sort of lost interest when I told him he might have a sister.

He sat in his car seat and moped all the way up the 95, pounding his glove with an imaginary baseball. The sound was like water torture and the puss on his face was getting on my nerves. But I could tell he was thinking it over. I was hoping he would get over it sooner than later. When we got to the motel in Mystic, he was still acting like a jerk, but I thought he was coming around. I got him out of his car seat and grabbed his hand to walk into our room. He tugged on my arm and looked up at me and asked

“If it’s a brother can we name him Derek Jeter?”

I told him I would ask his mother. I’ll let Tricia handle this one.

I wonder if Derek Jeter would like that. I didn’t tell Sammy, but my buddy came through for me. Jeter was going to stop by our seats before the game and say hello. Maybe Sammy could ask him then.
__________________________________________________________________________

SEPTEMBER 10, 2001

What a shitty day. Raining like a bastard. I’m glad I didn’t get the tickets for the Red Sox tonight. Sammy would have been so bummed if the game got rained out. They say tomorrow is going to be a nice day though. So I got that going for me. We had a great time in Mystic. Sammy loves playing Pirate. It was pretty fucking hilarious seeing a Pirate wearing a baseball glove though. The people working at Mystic took it in stride. Maybe it’s not as strange as I think it is. On the way back from Mystic we made another stop for dinner. This time, it was a Pizza joint just outside of New Haven called Zuppardi’s. A friend of mine used to live near there when he was a kid. He’s a futures guy who trades oil. Nice guy but he never stops telling the same joke over and over again. He was in the World Trade Center when it got bombed a few years ago. His company moved out of the towers after that. He’s kind of a pain in the ass sometimes, but I like him. How can you not like a guy who knows a good pie when he sees one? Sammy loves this place. So does Tricia. We get “The Special” well done. A couple of bottles of White Birch Beer. Nothin’ better. We always order another one to go so we can take it home to share with Jess the next day. The little things are what it’s all about.

Sammy has softened his position on having a sister. He is seriously entertaining the idea. He’s the consummate negotiator. He told me that he will let us have a sister. As long as we name HER Derek Jeter too. The kid is a fucking natural. The pie was amazing as usual. Tricia loves to get the piece with the big old crust bubble on it. She’s the only woman I know who can get me horny just by watching her eat a piece of Pizza.

NOTE TO ME: MAKE SURE YOU SEND THE ZUPPARDI FAMILY A NOTE THANKING THEM FOR MAKING PIZZA THAT MAKES MY WIFE LOOK SO HOT.

I’m thinking of taking tomorrow off. There is so much I want to do with Sammy before the game. I still didn’t tell him that he is going to meet Derek Jeter. I don’t know if I should or not. If I do tell him, he’ll probably want to leave for the Stadium tonight. It’s hard to explain to a five year old that the place is closed sometimes. I want to get there early. Grab a pretzel or a knish outside. Hang out at the bat. Take a couple of pictures of Sammy and his new glove. Get in there for BP. Sammy loves BP. I think maybe someday Sammy might play for the Yankees. A father can dream. It really doesn’t matter I guess. There is nothing I love more than taking Sammy to Yankee Stadium and shooting the shit about baseball and whatever else comes up. He thinks I’m a genius because I know the guy is going to run with a 3-2 count and two outs. He’ll figure it out someday I guess. But for now, I’ll let him think I’m a genius. Tomorrow is going to be something else. Sammy and his friends are going to meet Derek Jeter. And I’m going to see the look on Sammy’s face when he meets his favorite baseball player. It just doesn’t get any better.

ANOTHER NOTE TO ME: REMEMBER TO THANK DEREK JETER FOR MAKING SAMMY’S DAY. AND REMEMBER TO HUG SAMMY TILL IT HURTS.
______________________________________________________________________

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

FUCK!!! What an idiot I am! I left the Nikon in my desk over the weekend. We took pictures with Tricia’s camera in Mystic. But only my Nikon would do for Sammy’s meeting with Derek Jeter. So here I am at my desk, looking at the Bridge and wondering how fast I can get out of the office. Just for measure, I’ll take a few pictures of the Bridge again. It’s so clear out today. Hardly the kind of day you would expect for mid September. The air is crisp. The sky is crisp. The sun is bright. It’s a picture perfect day for Sammy’s trip to Yankee Stadium later. I’m so excited I can hardly contain myself. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m a bigger kid than Sammy. I hope so. A kid needs to have a father who understands what it means to be a kid.

NOTE TO ME: MAKE SURE SAMMY KNOWS I’M STILL A KID

If I thought I was going to get out of here in a few minutes, I was mistaken. I got in early as usual, but there is just too much bullshit to do. I saw Little Annie on the elevator. She definitely looks different in the office. I have to stop noticing that. Before I knew it, the rest of the crew came straggling in. I’m answering questions about the game. About Derek Jeter. About why I’m in the office on my day off. Nobody believes I’m there just to pick up my camera. They want me to get out of here so I can spend the day with Sammy. It’s 8:30, and the couple of minutes I expected to spend there is turning into two hours. Don’t get me wrong. I love these people. But today is not the day for this stuff. Today is Sammy’s day! It’s going to take some time to get out of here.

I think they finally got the message. I was able to explain that I have a couple of things to do and that I’m going to leave by 9:00. So I’m going to end today’s entry. I think I might run upstairs to the restaurant and say hello to Jess. Maybe grab a cup of coffee and head out. It’s way too nice outside to be stuck in this building. And Sammy is waiting for me.