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Space and Emotion

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Sakis Totlis

Space and Emotion

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Space and emotionHello!-
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Re: Space and Emotion

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That is interesting and seems to work well Sakis. I can definitely see how relating similar events in regards to space(time) and emotional spikes can open up the inner mind's eye to some previously unseen relationships. I can see how effective this model shows dreams to be at maintaining emotional equilibrium and helping solve problems. The sad little girl dream seemed more oriented toward emotional equilibrium, though I know I've had dreams that help me solve some problems as well. I'll post a dream I had here that condenses many experiences in my life at Minot, ND in regards to my friends. My friends and I had a dispute over who would take care of the house that we wrecked from partying after moving out. In the moving process, my poor little kitty was unable to live in my new apartment, so we had a dispute on how to handle that as well. Those are some of the bad emotional experiences. We've had good times also, playing a snowboarding videogame and in-line skating around Minot during the summer.
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This is the dream. I couldn't remember some parts, so I replaced them with a bit of story in order for the dream to make sense. Most of this dream is real however. No need to analyze it, I've forgotten much of what may be considered the 'previous events' that were the catalyst. I had three main friends in Minot - Rick, Chris(Barefoot), and Craze. Craze had a girlfriend a year prior to this. This girl was my friend also and died by drunkenly falling through a glass door. "There I stood in a room. The room was on the second floor of what seemed to be a couple decade old house and had one big window and a door across from it. I stood between the two looking around. Upwards was darkness and there seemed to be rafters or something else up there, but since I never looked up, I would never know. Around me the setting constantly changed. A probing look around showed me the surroundings, but those were continually changing. Where a bookshelf may have stood a second before, the wall there was now blank. This wasn't because it just disintegrated, but rather once my vision flickered across it and my mind wandered on to follow my vision, the object faded from memory and my mind replaced it with something new. All except one lamp. The lamp remained even when I looked away. Beside the lamp were fresh bloodstains. On top of the bloodstains was a dead cat (pardon my telling of the event with bloodstains before the cat... It seems illogical, but that's how I viewed it.)&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp My entire reality became more... 'real' at the sound of screeching tires down on the street outside the window. At once I knew it was Rick and Craze coming for me, but for the life of me I didn't know why. A heartbeat later they were at the top of the stairs, but I didn't look. Instead I bolted for the window and attempted to jump through to get away. Somehow they caught me, one leg each, and pulled me back into the room. Then they pummeled me repeatedly. The pseudo-pain faded with the rest of the world as I drifted into unconciousness. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp When all was black, the moment in the room lingered in my memory. The moment took root and the story grew. It didn't grow in a way that was guided by everyday rules, but rather forward and backward at once. As the story unfolded in my mind toward the conclusion, it also unfolded toward the beginning. An image of a dead cat was the last thing that flickered through my head. For some absurd reason, I had a feeling the cat was important.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Backward. I was outside a large suburban house at what seemed to be dusk even though a faint light permeated the air, helping me to see. Inside the house a light was on, making creepy silhouettes as it poured out the windows. I was on a short brick wall that separated the sidewalk from the lawn walking casually toward the corner of the street entertaining a feeling of... I didn't know how to describe it. It's like when you're with a group of friends in the living room having a good old time, then you walk upstairs for something. Everything upstairs is quiet and laughing friends are in the background, reminding you that you are separated from them. The quiet starts to eat at you, hitting home the point that you are alone. You feel eyes on the back of your neck... that feeling. Between the cracks in the bricks, a small yellow flower was growing. I picked it, then held it up to my nose for an olfactory inspection. The bad feeling grew to the point where it had my heart beating. I put the flower in my shirt pocket.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Suddenly the door burst open and the dreaded duo came out at a dead sprint. I took off, not looking back. Deja'vu set in, even though last time this happened hasn't even happened yet. I leaped off the corner of the brick wall into the street and took the path downhill. No amount of speed gained me ground on my pursuers, so I looked back to see how they were keeping pace. They were wearing skates, the tricksy bastards. Though I thought them tricksy, I realized that I wasn't running, but sliding downhill. A glance at my feet showed me that I also had skates on. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Partway down the hill I noticed a ramp going upward from the street into a parking garage. I veered off into it, zooming up the ramp. At the top, the path turned abruptly to the side, but I took the only route that my speed would have me take. I went straight and leaped over the edge of the half wall. The height was ridiculous, being hundreds of feet in the air when I flew over the ledge. But by now we know that logic doesn't apply to this story. As I sailed through the air, I notice a rail below and ahead of me, also hundreds of feet up from the ground. My plan was to hit it and grind my way down to safety. Unfortunately, I hit it and rebounded off. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp My perspective jumped to third person and I saw myself tumbling through the air with skyscrapers in the background and snow down below. Very reminiscent of Mercury City(a video game setting.) The world started to darken as a feeling of ticklish dread rose within me. It rose until I couldn't bear it, then I forced myself out of the world (I've been able to do that in this type of 'falling' dream - avoiding the sweat drenched and sitting upright awakening that usually happens before hitting the ground.)"&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp It was 4:42 AM, YES! Many many hours before I have to wake up. "Weird ass shit" I called the dream as I turned over to fall back asleep. The decent into slumber was ridden with visions of a dead cat in a room with an ever present lamp. I learned a trick a while back about how to be the most explosive I can be in sports. The true answer of course is a mix of things, including the all important weight lifting. But I was very strong already, so the other side of the trick was the part for me to focus on. The part where you used your mind to best control your muscles. I'd think of a bumblebee buzzing, "ZZZZZZZZZZZZ...," a screaming sound in my head while I kept my muscles relaxed. All the while the buzzing filled my head, I'd focus on what I wanted my body to do. Not the necessary action of every muscle, but rather the action of my body as a whole. When the time came to move, I'd throw all the energy of my brain into the movement of my body and cease the buzzing in my head. This technique is how I threw around people bigger than I[in college wrestling]... not because of my physique, but because I knew how to explode. Forward.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "I was in a house again, assumedly the same house as before. The one target in my head was Rick, I felt a strong need for revenge against my previous and unjust beating. This section of the house was immense, with endless hallways splitting and turning and forming in an ever expanding maze inward to my target. It was the junctions in the hallways where I used my explosive technique to cross the open area so I wouldn't be seen. Traveling quickly, I made good time and finally wound up just down the hall from the dreaded duo. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp I started the buzzing in my head, examining the room to see where the best route lay. At the moment of release (hehe), where I planned to bolt into the room and beat some niggas down, I felt eyes on the back of my neck. A look behind me found that the eyes belonged to Barefoot. No worries, they were still in his head. What did worry me, however, was that he was holding pieces of the dead cat in his arms. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Hey dude, why don't you come on over here and we'll try to put this shit back together. You don't need to be goin' in there and causing more shit." said he in a whisper. The whisper told me that he was not truly involved in this drama, but only trying to help as a middleman. He didn't want to alert Rick and Craze of my presence.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Unfortunately the buzzing in my head had still been going and was waiting for release. This unexpected scene caused the buzzing to warp, however, leaving it volatile and unpredictable. "Blah blah blah blah blah!" I said. That garbage seemed to hold meaning to Barefoot other than the normal; 'shut up your words mean nothing.' &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "I think you're missing the point dude... the cat may not be the issue to you, but fixing this would fix the problem, trust me," he scolded. 'What the fuck is the deal with the cat?' I thought.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "You want me to shut up, then grow up, but when I see you I throw up," was my odd reply. The buzzing released and I exploded into motion, grabbing the chunks of dead cat and tossing them haphazardly into the air. No more was said to Barefoot, so I guess he got my point. The hurtful words kept him silent.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp I readied myself for a quick destructive run through the room of the dreaded duo. When the explosion came, it came in an accelerated form. I went to Rick and pummeled him to the ground, then burst toward the window. Craze's demeanor was depressedly submissive, though he was greatly startled at my entrance and exit. I left him awake and alert for this reason with the itching feeling that his demons were far greater than my own.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp When I blew through the window, the glass shards caught on my clothes and came alive. They poked and prodded and gashed me all over until I hit the ground, then they all fell dead. No sooner had relief flooded me than I realized the great amount of damage done to my slumbering avatar. The world tried drifting away from me as my blood fled my body. I held on tightly, however, holding my wounds shut with my hands and screaming for help. The worst part about this was not the pain... the pain was minimal. The worst part was the fear mixed with a sort of longing. I longed to drift off into the empty abyss and be rid of the fear. The fear itself existed because I knew that if I let myself drift away, I'd never come back. These two emotions were intimately entwined and fought with each other in my head for dominance. Longing was the winner.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Beginning. Where was I? Oh yes, the same suburban house that seems to be a constant in this story. Only this time I was on a catwalk that wound it's way around the exterior of the third floor of the house. Barefoot and I were up here chatting jovially, recently removed from the indoor room that held Rick and Craze, where all four of us were having a little pow-wow. The words we exchanged lost their meaning in between is mouth and my ear, but I sensed we were talking about a plan of some sort.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp I left Barefoot behind and walked along the suspended boards around the corner of the house then around again to the back side. While walking, I listened to someone telling me things in my left ear. He must have been pretty close to that ear, since my right ear heard nothing. This person had some interesting things to say. The catwalk ahead of me stopped circling the house and instead went in through a window. I followed, being as quiet as I could.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The interior of the room I entered seemed familiar, though I'm not sure why. Rafters held up the catwalk and took it deeper into the room. The floor was far below, quite a fall. I came to a point where I heard Rick and Craze laughing down there. They were sitting in a couple of chairs with a lamp in between. This lamp also seemed familiar, but I let the feeling go. A growl sounded off in the darkness ahead of me, originating from somewhere up in the rafters with myself. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Glowing green orbs gave way to a large black cat as it sauntered toward me out of the darkness. This cat set warning bells off in my head for some reason. Maybe it was from the menacing growl that it continued to emit. As the cat walked toward me on the catwalk (pun intended,) it ceased it's growling and started sniffing the air. I assumed it smelled a flower on me, even though I had no flower. When the source of the odor was located, it looked at me and raised an eyebrow, glancing between my eyes and my left shoulder. My left eyeball was closest to my left shoulder, and it told my brain that there was a burn on my shirt.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Fuck you!" I half whispered, half shouted at the cat when it started growling again. There are few things more menacing than a large growling cat. I had to confront this feline, however, since it held the position on the catwalk that I wanted. It was above Rick and Craze. Starting forward while maintaining a fighting stance, I knew there was no way to avoid confronting this cat if I were to have what I sought. I stopped a foot away from in, preferring defense rather than making the first move. The cat sat.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Arrogant pussy, stop playing games," I said to it. I pushed it over the edge and watched it fall. It snickered on the way down, knowing that it would land on it's feet and knowing that it's fall would alert Rick and Craze to my presence, even though I meant them no harm. The cat's snicker was cut short when it hit the lamp. Seemingly made out of metal, the lampshade rebounded the cat at an awkward angle. It hit the ground neck first and didn't move. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp I jumped down to the floor next to the cat and checked it's status. The poor thing was definitely dead. Rick started yelling and screaming at me. Though he was saying things and was clearly mad, I couldn't make out what they were. Even still, I replied as if we were having a conversation. "It wasn't on purpose man, I couldn't have predicted..."&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Dicted schmicted!" was his reply. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Man, cat's always land on their feet, the lampshade like kinda put him at a bad angle."&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Angle schmangle!"&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "So it's not even about the cat then? Fuck the stupid cat!" was my immediate and regretted reply. Rick went silent then, and I knew I had said too much. The damage of some words can't be repaired. He seethed and glared at me, outwardly silent and calm. "Whatever man," I said as I walked out of the room and out into the night.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp End. The cold ate through my clothes and into my skin. The intensity of it should have been painful, but it was merely a discomfort. My eyes slid open and flickered about, catching trees and falling snow mainly, but also gravestones. Or are they called headstones? I stood up and turned around at the sound of a man chanting something eerily religious in Latin. He was standing over a freshly dug grave amidst a gang of people, including Rick, Craze and Barefoot.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "In Nominie Patrie, Et Fili, Et Spiritu Sancti." finished the priest as he tossed something over what I assumed to be a coffin at the bottom of the grave. I started walking over to the gathering but slowed my pace when I saw Barefoot shaking his head at me. That prompted me to glance at Rick and Craze. Rick was calmly glaring at me while Craze puffed away on a Camel Light, flicking the ashes at the retreating priest. Craze then looked at me, squinted his eyes and took another puff on his cigarette. His head was cocked slightly to the side, obviously analyzing me. &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp No words were said here, but a great deal was understood between us all. I walked over to the grave and looked down. I beheld the sickening sight of a dead cat in quite a few pieces scattered amidst flowers at the bottom of the grave. Reaching into my pocket, I drew out a small yellow flower and threw it onto the cat. Respect had to be paid to the cat since it was innocent, though it was also the catalyst of the series of events preceding this scene.&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp I glanced at the three across the grave and read their faces. Not an ounce of forgiveness could be found between the three of them, even after my respect was paid to the cat. No, I realized that even though it started with the cat, it ended with me. My words and actions were the true reason for the rift between them and I. So I turned around and walked off into the snow ridden landscape, seeing just as much forgiveness there as I had seen behind me."
Sakis Totlis

Re: Space and Emotion

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Thank you very much Interbane! Re: "I can definitely see how relating similar events in regards to space(time) and emotional spikes can open up the inner mind's eye to some previously unseen relationships."You put it succinctly and in your own words. This means that you grasped immediately, correctly and fully the main idea and you saw how useful (and important) this novel idea could be. It establishes a recognizable, rational and precise spatiotemporal pattern behind the most irrational issue
Sakis Totlis

Re: Space and Emotion

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Interbane, On second thought, I think that you gave alone all the necessary real "previous" spatiotemporal and emotional parameters, preceding and provoking this dream. They are not as precise, as "point to point," as I usually prefer an analysis of mine to be, but with one general look, one can see at once that you established the real initial circumstances that provoked this dream as definite as it happened: Quote"...I'll post a dream I had here that condenses many experiences in my life at Minot, ND in regards to my friends. - My friends and I had a (real) dispute over who would take care of the house that we wrecked from partying after moving out.- In the moving process, my poor little kitty was (in reality) unable to live in my new apartment, so we had a (real) dispute on how to handle that as well. - Those are some of the bad (and real) emotional experiences. We've had good times also, - playing (in reality) a snowboarding videogame and in-line skating around Minot (for real) during the summer."UNQUOTEAs things are, I don't think that it is necessary for us to go any further. A fair observer will see at once the spatiotemporal and emotional relationships and connections between your dream and the real events that preceded it and provoked it. Your dream epitomized and closed that (real) particular "traumatic experience" you had over there in Minot. I bet it was a relief to have that dream. The fact that you remember it so vividly agrees with this idea. A dream provides imaginary images to cancel (real) emotional loads that exist (really) in a man's soul, when he is actually having that dream. Biochemically speaking, a dream happens "really." P.S. I may appoint you my space emotional representative in U.S.A. (joke).
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Re: Space and Emotion

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I like the idea that dreams help put a face to troubling emotions so that they may be contained. I've filtered out some symbolism from my dream that embodied some 'loose ends' of my life up north(I'm now in Florida.)When the initial event and the previous event go into 'fission phase' or whatever(when particulars from each overlap in your head.) do you necessarily break it down to the point where you define a primary and a secondary... if that makes sense? If one emotional load is greater than the other, can it be said that more emotional equilibrium is being had by putting a face to the 'greater load?' For example, I know that from what you are saying, an event from the previous day may have sparked a reaction in my brain to relate to my greater emotional loads of the past, which were still haunting me.
Sakis Totlis

Re: Space and Emotion

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First of all, I would like to ask you whether you remember a particular "previous event" regarding that "cat" in the dream of yours. I noticed that the dream incident with that cat was very precise, which points out that you must have experienced some (space emotionally) similar real incident in the past: "Beside the lamp were fresh bloodstains. On top of the bloodstains was a dead cat (pardon my telling of the event with bloodstains before the cat... It seems illogical, but that's how I viewed it.)"So, do you remember any time in your past that you had some space emotionally similar incident, having to do with blood and some furry animal or something like it, that was killed most probably, in about the same spatiotemporal circumstances and produced to you these particular emotions? Re: "I like the idea that dreams help put a face to troubling emotions so that they may be contained. I've filtered out some symbolism from my dream that embodied some 'loose ends' of my life up north (I'm now in Florida.)When the initial event and the previous event go into 'fission phase' or whatever (when particulars from each overlap in your head) do you necessarily break it down to the point where you define a primary and a secondary... if that makes sense?" As far as the ability of the mind to tell apart two emotional loads I can say this. An emotional load in itself is a "load," an actual electric charge. So, for the intellect, there can be no distinction between two electrical charges, especially when they are both applied at the same time on the same spatiotemporal environment. (We may distinguish "magnitude" of separate emotional loads but this is another case). For the mind, an emotional load is something beyond direct (re)cognition; we all know that, from the simple everyday reality. "Emotional loads" are "unknown land" for the mind. We distinguish an "emotional load" only when we connect it (automatically) with an image or a thought, and then it makes sense to us. Then it becomes a particular emotion, e.g. A grief (for the loss of a dear one), a joy (for the marriage of a friend of ours), etc. As far as I can fathom, emotional loads alone are not even "negative" or "positive". We say that an emotion is "negative" when we connect it to some "negative" event, meaning some event that is not to our favor, and we say that it is "positive" when we connect it to some event in our favor. Otherwise, I visualize emotional loads as a wind blowing in a bag or escaping out of it somehow. Nothing else. All the rest we make ourselves when connecting the emotional load to some sensory data (built up in a mental "picture" or the other). The prime power (energy) that drives our minds and souls is neither good nor bad. It is energy. I compare it to any other energy, e.g. "heat," which we may call "bad" when we burn our hand in it, and "good" when we boil an egg on it and eat it. Heat alone is neither good nor bad. It is heat; energy, beyond good or evil. These are only human conditions. Let's say that surely there is a definite distinction between: a) a present emotional load (one that is real for you right now, in the present continuous tense). This is not something hypothetical; it is an (inner) reality for you. You feel it "inside" you now
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Re: Space and Emotion

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(We may distinguish "magnitude" of separate emotional loads but this is another case). That makes sense, that was the gist of my question. All the struggle of the organism (self) is to bring a present disturbing emotional load to an end.I don't know about this Sakis. I remember times having an emotional load, but having it pass during the same day, only to recur at a later time. Would you say that the emotional load still exists from the present event, yet since our focus is temporarily elsewhere, we do not notice it?It would make more sense to me in this way: When you experience something that causes an emotional load, the magnitude of the load is imprinted in your memory, analagous to a trench dug into the ground by water. The trench would be deeper or shallower, depending on the magnitude. When that memory is not current or you are not thinking about it, your brain(the trench) no longer has the emotional load(built up water). However, when you recall this memory, your focus on it recreates that load(fills the trench). So the memory retains the magnitude of the emotional load, yet it is not loaded unless you focus on it? That is still a problem that needs to be resolved, as a more powerful load(deeper trench) will inevitably attract your focus often.When you dream, may it be that your overlapping of events helps to channel away some of the potential 'magnitude', thus equalizing it? Possibly by either relating some memories that lessen the 'depth of the trench', or create a unity with it, not allowing so much of an emotional load to be placed there every time you think of it?I only thought up this analogy because it doesn't seem right to think of a portion of your brain with a constant charge throughout the day. If the charge does in fact remain until you release it via dreams, does that mean neurons are constantly firing in a certain portion of your brain?
Sakis Totlis

Re: Space and Emotion

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Interbane, Re: "All the struggle of the organism (self) is to bring a present disturbing emotional load to an end."-
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Actually, I agree with everything you've posted so far except in the one case where you use the word 'present'. I'll clarify my previous post in a bit. I understand the theory, but I think I didn't word my questions and analogy in a clear enough fashion."All the struggle of the organism (self) is to bring a present disturbing emotional load to an end."What I meant by saying I don't know about this is that there have been times where an incident had plagued me for a while. In some cases, couldn't you say that "All the struggle of the organism (self) is to bring a present[or recently past] disturbing emotional load to an end."For example, if there is no previous event in your mind that your conscience could 'overlap' with a present emotional experience in order to pacify an emotional load, that experience may very well stay as an emotional load in your head for quite a while. Maybe even until you actually DO have an experience that your conscience can relate enough to form a dream. Then a new experience would actually help to pacify an old one. That make sense?The other part - "This is an explanation I have worked on and I can give: When a real initial load is initiated "in us" after some "real" experience, (in real day time wakefulness), conscience cannot avoid it, but has to accept it. We cannot just forget a real experience."Correct, that memory is imprinted into your brain. You actually remember more information than you could conciously recall, due to [peripheral vision, selective hearing, spacing out]. Your mind picks this stuff up, but you don't notice it. When an event becomes memory and you focus(turn your current attention) on something else, there is no longer an electrical buildup where that memory is. The 'potential' still exists there, of course, but with your attention elsewhere, there is no electrical charge. This 'potential' is what I meant with the trench analogy. Electrical charge only happens in parts of your brain that are currently under use, correct? Currently under use means everything from involuntary movements(heart beats, digestion) to your brain storing information in short term memory from your peripheral vision. In the memory part of your head, any electrical charge elicits a draw on your attention, such as... When you turn your attention back to that memory, the electrical charge(emotional load) is just as large and stressful as the initial incident, until it is pacified. Until that memory is pacified, it retains the 'potential' of having the same magnitude emotional load as the original experience, yet only has an electrical charge when that memory is recalled(when you mentally focus on it.)
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