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Criticism Wanted - I Can Take It

A platform to express and share your enthusiasm and passion for poetry. What are your treasured poems and poets? Don't hesitate to showcase the poems you've penned yourself!
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ThomasClements
Getting Comfortable
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 6:21 pm
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Re: Criticism Wanted - I Can Take It

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I have taken in what comments have been provided and have done a little revising. I am now famished as I have not eaten yet today o.O Design work and this little revision has taken up my time and motivation. Anyway, here it is, I am sure it can be revised over and over.

This room is hostile and malignant to all.
To tread inside would be senseless
As a deadly serpent plots to bind.
The stench is rancid, rampant, and noxious inside.

The wiring here is faulty,
And the atmosphere damp,
A somewhat defective door is boarded shut,
Repelling the foreign exterior beyond.

Despair is written all over these walls,
The letters seep and infest down to the core.
It’s lunacy to abide in this room,
But it’s somewhat familiar and warm.

I am isolated here,
Forsaken at my own will,
My thoughts are mine and mine only
As nobody can enter this room.

Lots of things take place in here,
But that is where they stay.
They happen from day to day,
But maybe at some point, they will try to escape.
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