This is a taste of my book it is on Booksie but i will publish next month, https://www.booksie.com/users/ragulose-240009

The last Immortal (Home Coming) book one of 12

Ragulose wrote:This is a taste of my book it is on Booksie but i will publish next month, https://www.booksie.com/users/ragulose-240009

The last Immortal (Home Coming) book one of 12

Do you have a proofreader? I read chapter 0, and it's loaded to the brim with mistakes, mostly grammatical.

Here's one mistake that caught my eye.

They were only lab rats and are swept aside when no longer needed.

The speaker isn't a human being and lab rats are a human concept. In particular, lab rats are related to human societies with science-based medicine. You might want to use a different phrase for that concept. Imagine that, in the Old Testament, Yahweh spoke the sentence "they used my people like lab rats". That would be bizarre, don't you think? Also, you mixed past tense and present tense. You might want to stick with just past tense.

Before the sci fi part starts, I thought that the story was ok. After the sci fi part starts, I liked it less, but that's just my own tastes.

Lab rats is the right way to say it, i am using English. the idea is used in many sci fi from Stephen King, to Anne McCaffrey I asked my publisher and she said it was fine it is personal taste. yes i have proofreader, just rewrote chap 1-6 and 0 they were 2400 words now over 4500 words. I am on v3 these are v1 forgot to remove from here they are on bookie.com.
but thanks for the feed back and sorry i wasted your time with old stuff. I will now take it off here.