Re: It's Critics time! (To Be Named) <- The name of the book XD
Well you need to run spelling and grammar checks. Some or your punctuation fractures sentences.
"Thief's" should be thieves.
"One would say these filthy junks
Junks? Not the right word unless you are referring to a fleet of Chinese boats?
"...but in all honesty? Nothing in this world..."
Eliminate the question mark, it breaks a sentence. Replace with comma and don't capitalize the word nothing. That should read as "..but in all honesty, nothing in this world..."
"..in mid-air, stood five Zircoff's. The highest known rank of the hunters. The one highest..."
The apostrophe is wrong and the first period breaks a sentence. That text could be improved as follows.
...in mid-air hovered five Zircoffs, the highest known rank of the hunters. Their leader...
"In here arms.." should be "In her arms..."
Etc... Good luck!