Please take a moment to read the description of my book, New Rome Rises:Dux Imperatorius, and let me know what you think:

Near the middle of the 21st century, Europe descends into chaos- Italy suffers most of all. Terrorist attacks and a collapsed economy lead to anarchy, leaving Italy powerless to stop an invasion from hostile forces bent on its destruction. A young General rises to defeat the invaders and fulfill his vision of becoming Caesar and reviving the Roman Empire. Europe bows to him, and those who do not are conquered. The United States defies the new Emperor and has the Southwest taken. A former gun slinging outlaw, a U.S. Senator, a Green Beret who shouldn’t be alive, a sharp-shooter and a Deposed Monarch lead an unconventional group that is all that stands between Rome and world domination. Meanwhile, in Rome, Cesar’s daughter is caught between loyalty to her father and using the new power she is given to do what she knows is right. Can the march of Rome be stopped in time, or will the world be ruled by the Dux-Imperatorius?

Here is a link to the book: http://amzn.to/Ss2SFq
Here is a link to the Pinterest page for places in the book: http://bit.ly/X72oR3

Almost all locations are real world and I used emerging technology that exists today in the book. I look forward to your feedback.

hmm...

I thought it had awesome detail, but it read a little dry at times. Almost like the details were put there, but without the triumphant tone they deserved when being placed in a teaser/trailer...

The details are great though, and I wanted to read, so that's a bonus.

A former gun slinging outlaw, a U.S. Senator, a Green Beret who shouldn’t be alive, a sharp-shooter and a Deposed Monarch lead an unconventional group that is all that stands between Rome and world domination.

I'm wondering if there should be another comma in that sentence, after sharp-shooter... like this:

A former gun slinging outlaw, a U.S. Senator, a Green Beret who shouldn’t be alive, a sharp-shooter, and a Deposed Monarch lead an unconventional group that is all that stands between Rome and world domination.

There's a lot of a's in that sentence. Think you could benefit by taking some out?

That could be done by maybe breaking up the list into a few sentences with a bit of detail on each character, or would that make your text too long?

The piece is great, amazingly written, but maybe could use more power?

One thing I know is that when doing an ad, it's okay to be a little shallow dumb. You know the piece is filled with detail, and the ad can be too, but always try to install that power to make the ad pop.

You know how movie trailers are... They got the music going, the drums are beating. The hearts pounding.

"One traitor, One man to stop the deceitful plan"....boom boom boom, the drums are beating in the back ground... "One broken heart, one master plan"... boom boom boom the drums speak again.... "and one destiny to bring them together..." Boom boom boom, the drums pound... "One outcome to determine the fate of the world..." Boom boom boom. "Only one can survive."

You can see how they are sparse on details in these trailers, but they instill so much emotion into the words that it gets the viewers going.

Maybe if you could get some of that into the words it would pop

haha, I'm a tool, I dunno, hope it helps, or at least gives some ideas.

JeremyBenson wrote:One thing I know is that when doing an ad, it's okay to be a little shallow dumb. You know the piece is filled with detail, and the ad can be too, but always try to install that power to make the ad pop.

You know how movie trailers are... They got the music going, the drums are beating. The hearts pounding.

"One traitor, One man to stop the deceitful plan"....boom boom boom, the drums are beating in the back ground... "One broken heart, one master plan"... boom boom boom the drums speak again.... "and one destiny to bring them together..." Boom boom boom, the drums pound... "One outcome to determine the fate of the world..." Boom boom boom. "Only one can survive."

You can see how they are sparse on details in these trailers, but they instill so much emotion into the words that it gets the viewers going.

Maybe if you could get some of that into the words it would pop

haha, I'm a tool, I dunno, hope it helps, or at least gives some ideas.

Thanks Jeremy, it does help! I really appreciate your help! Thanks again.

I wouldn't read it, but it sounds interesting enough for those who read that sorta thing, to do so.
If it were a movie, I'd see it though

The one part that confused me was the gunslinger? Is he a gun-for-hire, cause if so, given the context of time in your story, that might make more sense.
Otherwise, good luck.

Wade Garret wrote:I wouldn't read it, but it sounds interesting enough for those who read that sorta thing, to do so.
If it were a movie, I'd see it though

The one part that confused me was the gunslinger? Is he a gun-for-hire, cause if so, given the context of time in your story, that might make more sense.
Otherwise, good luck.

Thank you! I have been considering revising the description and I think now that is the best thing to do. The gunslinger is really a bad description. He is skillful with a gun, but he is a former outlaw known more for his cunning. He becomes part of a special forces unit that utilizes his skill-set.

Thanks again!

Why not call your gunslinger a soldier of fortune? It would still allow him to be a former outlaw.

The plot sounds interesting; not terribly original, but then, how many basic plots are there? I will check your spot on Amazon.

Cattleman wrote:Why not call your gunslinger a soldier of fortune? It would still allow him to be a former outlaw.

The plot sounds interesting; not terribly original, but then, how many basic plots are there? I will check your spot on Amazon.

Thanks, I am going to re-write the description and that helps.