Alright. Here it is. I've been feeling scared but I feel like I can post a small excerpt and see how it is so far.

Any criticism is great! Be as tough and gritty as possible. No bars boxing! Put the gloves on!

Jim got into the car and shut the door, where Jerry was looking at him with a strong smile.

"So, Jim." Larry said as Jim buckled up. "Tell me again what we're doing?"
Jim looked at Larry as he spoke.

"Well. We're two twenty-six year olds looking for a job in this city called Manhattan. Since you're unmarried, yet desperately lonely, you have time to go with me, whose wife I had to lie to, to the GammageBurg building, where we'll meet Thomas Stormbrook, head of the company who we've known for three years."

"Ah. Ok. Thanks for repeating to me again. I have a bad trouble with memory, as you may know, but, hell, you've probably forgotten about how I've gotten it. Remember that car crash Jim? The one in Wiscousin?"

"Yeah Yeah yeah. Damn it I remember. Anyway. Let's get a move on shall we?"
"Alright." the stupid smile left Gary's face as fast as a chinese prostitute, and he started up the car and began the journey to the company.