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Claws of Forgotten - feedback needed!

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batarzell

Claws of Forgotten - feedback needed!

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Hi community,

Today I want to present my very own free online epic writing, with homepage at http://mareklach-author.com/, that is the link for you if you'll want to read the next chapters in my story.

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CHAPTER 01
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The room seemed to shimmer in the evening candles bleak. And also to serve the purpose for which people would rather not know.
A woman walked carefully, trying not to break the silence, as if afraid that something will pop up on her from behind the deep darkness everywhere. But nothing happened. Nobody can jump, just in front of a small elevated location, which is likely to serve as the sacrificial altar on with middle-aged man smiling wide sat happily. The woman proceeded more so it back fired on one of those appalling small candles until she felt drops of cold sweat. But the vision did not help. She almost jumped when he spoke:
“I’m glad you came.”
“It is relying on me.” Confidently declared the woman and have stared directly into the man´s eyes.
“This surely!” The man was perfectly able to hide a hint of surprise, that he perhaps felt for a moment.
“You know,” she said again, “so when we ourselves think about the old times …”
The man raised his hand, that it stopped:
“Old times are gone Ilvijem. Irreversibly gone. “
The woman crouched in a while, but now she again straightened, resigned and showed what all the time stumbled behind her.
“How … how many more of them you will need? It will not be long until someone figure it out! “A woman’s voice jumped with excitement.
Creation as it was not shake, as widely gaping eyes and weak breath and chest lifting suggest that more lives.
“Have not many Ilvijem. Have not many. “
It was not the scream, that frightened crows before the cave. It was the terrible smell. The smell of rotting meat.
***
Darkness. The door quietly opened and steps of a man who found himself in a room is not on the gross carpet ever heard. He comes to the bed. The young boy who sleeps here breathed a regular rhythm. My dream. That dream is a reality at the same time.
A fact must be faced at the right time. Yes time to prepare. This time. The young boy sprung, brothers from other rooms are surprised to hear a scream. Blood sprayed on all sides. It hit the holly cross of his chest. He was no longer novice. He becomes an outlaw!
***
Killer waked up. His gentle sort of disturbed sleep rough calls on the court.
He got up, threw himself on a long black coat, church vestments, wrapped in a backpack and walked into the hallway. Up here was still quiet, but down at the inn began immediately after the uproar and lasted deep into the night.
He finally came out into the fresh air make up for it with other men from the inn looked closely. The man shouted something and loud sniff, but he has not understood anything. At least Dajvur, he did not understand anything. The man in the armor of the guard probably yes, because he threw the slap.
***
The man stopped yelling, only his constant, quiet, but irritating, covering of his nose still reminded.
The world is always plenty of opportunities to save lives. The problem is that in most cases it does not pay. A person who recognizes the minority from the majority?
In addition Norv Dajvur was busy with his own problems. Where to from here as soon evaporated, the idiot certainly recognize him. And that was the last thing that killer of Norv’s format needed. Always discreet, always ready. Came out from the crowd and went on the path away from business. But, as is known, is a coincidence pig. And Norv did not belong just to people who should be on your feet glued to happiness.
“Hey you! Come here.“ Norv nervously turned:
“Sorry?” He tried to look inconspicuous, but his voice jumped.
“You still … wait! Entertain with us until the end! “
If so go on, those bastards sooner or later get suspicious.
Assassin was trying not to look directly into the guards face. Already knew who the guilty man. Royal scribe. Faithful, silent lamb.
“Oh, but surely, surely I would very much like gentlemen, but, I have quite a hurry, you know … I’m the narrator. Wandering … and now that winter is coming … “
“Oh, certainly”, bearded the guard to him, leaned dangerously close.
Damn good old idiot is this!
“So at least you get your inspiration for those old wives!”
Guys were smiling. Even those at the tavern. The only one who was decrepit was the king´s scriber.
Could it be true, that the poor have got my sympathy?
“Uff, do not worry gentlemen, I have had enough. Indeed, I …”
“But never mind!” Said Roub. “It does not matter at all, does it guys?”
Other audience chuckle. Screw suddenly stopped and grabbed the sleeve of Assassins.
“You are some familiar to me. Have not we met yet? “
***
Norv looked around. Most of the staff of the company has already returned to a warm day, the pitchers of beer and stylish waitress. Displeased them almost zero action, which has turned into a boring conversation between two nobles. Those who sat in boxes still occasionally matured on the court, but subsequently turned away in disgust look.
There was a moan, a scream of horror and fear.
***
The men jumped out, they almost killed themselves, showing rapid movement. For a good while they lasted until they stood again on foot, men falling again, cursed them, kicked and stomped as it vainly tried to get through them. Happiness should only ones in the front rows, who blocked the entrance for security, so no one could in nor out.
***
There was a multiple splitting ligament as consecutive madly stomping. Everywhere was chaos and bustle, screaming and pain. Away, down, front back. Norv slashing as the life from side to side, not knowing whether he hit or not. Nevertheless: his style of fighting was a different story. With a knife in his sleeve, especially quickly and quietly.
But now he stood in the face of enormous odds in morbidly heavy weapons in hand, as it took a screw, put the head down. At least they still have a few tricks up its sleeve: agility, ingenuity and also a couple of knives. If it were necessary, the beats and the kitchen, where you could add stock.
Backed and measures the new enemies, intimidating look. Did not work. You guys obviously have good courage, and anger overpowered visible because of a Dead Head. Today, however, did not asasin fighting spirit. He felt tired because of this advocacy hamster! When he was tired, he was also angry at what kind of profession aptly people confuse the word dangerous. Actually it was two words: very dangerous.
***
This left them five: the first daring leap to it, got handles weapons in the eye. The second gave frightened to flee. Norv grabbed bolting horse standing nervously on the spot, hoping to have help around armed firearms. However, nothing happened. Only three pursuers taked chestnut to its nationals and has been chased after him.
Watchers returned to the inn, collect survivors, pitchers and weapons from businesses and began to maul each other. First, just for fun (it flew spoons, knives, plates and tables) and it ultimately resulted in a fierce battle (it has already flown teeth, eyes and red wine is served). Every so could be in the fight to the death, everyone can now play the game, which were simple little while ago before an audience. Innkeeper grabbed tomato and jumps into the abdomen under the counter as ninepins.
Well truly, fun must be.
***
He turned, as it was closest to him and waved his horse threw a knife. The enemy was catching up with him already at the second, but collided with the first team. Horses screamed, stamped parts and riders were down, vats-pass by the road.
***
One had a helmet, the second head. One screamed as a leash, he brooked his knee in the second row even abandoning a couple of times, until he was finally out of the game. The whole was only one. When the fate of their companions, he screamed like a bull, jumped and threw them onto Norv.
Assassin just threw his fist and jumped blindly into space, but, just hit hard forehead and arm ached like on fire. He turned around and tried to tumble the rider from the saddle. They are hung into themselves and their horses, yet continue to run undisturbed. One’s enough work so to keep animals, but they almost did not perceive it now.
Frowned at himself, pushed, rippled teeth.
***
Pass through the wooden bridge over a deep river and people them with curses and anger clearer the way. All of them, however, oblivious. Frowned at himself, pushed and rippled teeth.
Male horse suddenly stopped, threw hooves and rider fell in the last mortal cry into the ice trap. Norv was quickly stopped and spur the horse, fearing it could end up like the man before him. Now he understood what the animal so scared: next to the stone bridge on the road lay the dead creature. Human. It was impossible to know whether it was a boy or girl, only that it was a child. And he lay prone on a huge, a fat rat. This is contrary seemed almost life abounds.
***
Roarland´s eyes nervously walked from one end of the room to another and tried to recognize the feelings of men in the room. All the veterans have earned, graduates of many battles on the ground, witnesses many deaths. Foreign and loved ones.
They were cool as a rock, fingers clamped tightly behind his back in the embrace. Their faces rapt watching a scene that dominated the research room: In the middle of the floor in a glass coffin lay naked man.
The old man with the last ground, chewed, or already attempt to raise our eyes. Jacob, the mysterious leader of the project sat next to the rigid scene and forced the Marines today for the first time jumped. Coolly pulled from his pocket hand gun and shot the man in the head. So that it was only one fatal blow.
***
“Running Jame?” He turned his head toward the man standing next to Roarland.
“As always, sir. We got it. “
“Well gentlemen, it worked. The last of our tests. We’ll send it to the theorist laboratory and we fervently hope that this time we get from them something more than just a “theorist” clear? “
Some men chuckled politely, but there were not many.
***
We were a strong men. A look at the death of us no problem. Not after everything we have out there once experienced. But we always know why we kill. Or so we thought at least that we know. But not the case here, none of it. The main was that it believed Jakob. Do what he did. And that well paid. It had to be a wealthy tycoon, such research was surely sinful money. Maybe even himself ruler of the world. Although the nickname of course. Never before I heard about it does.
My name is Roarland Gerland and this is my story. Or at least that part of it which I managed to register.
***
That night I could not sleep. The cab came to me Jakob. I broke away from half-collapsed eye bags and tried on an ironic smile. Perhaps I really failed because it exceeded the threshold and shut the door behind him. Inside. Fortunate to not lock. Never us about their plans actually not speak properly and we did not ask him. He paid, we fulfill orders. And I do not in the slightest intention to change it somehow.
“So dear in the next life?” I suggested. Straightened away from the wall of which has hitherto relied, and he came closer to him so that part turned out my light table lamp.
“Actually, I have come to offer something new.” He said. Chill me halfway with pajamas in hand.
“The work of course.” He continued, though it was the most common thing that happens in life. “Work and a chance.”
“By and large, tender, which does not reject it?” I wondered.
“Exactly!” He sighed. “I would like to say better Roarland, my dear friend.”
“A friend? Who are you Jacob? What are you going? “
“This is what you are trying …”
“No!” He threatened and I punched him and pressed him to the closet. It quietly open up and the ground was thrown a few balls against moth and also my new jacket that I bought for money here in town.
“No,” I repeated firmly. “All this time we shall not allowed to talk to anyone, we were not allowed to go home. Full six years! I do not want any “new job”, not “chance”. I’m going home Jakob. And I never want to see you again. Never more. “
***
At the airport, because I almost did not let the amount of luggage into the aircraft. Then I turn made one of the biggest mistakes of his life today. They told me that I must go to the back of the administration, which labeled and excess baggage ferried in another aircraft. In fact, all this to me years ago ready. True, I realized it too late.
Fully loaded aircraft flap their wings over some wasteland when I am sitting with my buddy decided to betray him and opened the window. True, I’ve flown with a parachute, but without oxygen masks, plus I have no idea where. But at least I knew why.
When we were flying here Jakob has picked us and highlighted in New York, said that it will be a top-secret project and we fools wanted money and perhaps some mysterious that we have to give. Aircraft have black glass on the sides, so I’m in it felt like a prisoner. Later I realized that I was really serious.
***
In the evening he arrived at a small camp in the middle of glade.
Sat-looking woman standing there in the escort of two men. Horses snorted, tethered to a nearby group of sharp bush and eagerly devoured the wet grass.
She looks really dangerous, but what about those two? Could they be her security?
“Can I join you?”
The woman lifted her eyes from the chicken, which she just bite and iced it up and down gaze. The other two are not moved.
“But surely,” she declared magnanimously.
It will not happen very often that someone will invite you to them, even if things that he wore told them about him probably enough already. You may complain, but why not entertainment, if it arises itself?
One of the men, the one closer to him as if only now awakened from some hypnotic asleep, threw his leg chickens, which he still clutched a moment ago in fatty fingers. There was only sound of munching and chewing, until Norv finally dared interrupt oppressive silence:
“Hmm... and you... actually... you headed?”
***
The woman moved up and down again by her unpleasant sight, but this time she dangerously narrowed pupils, so she looked like a hungry beast on the hunt for prey, which is waiting for someone’s order to attack to someone.
“We travel over a week,” the women started talking.
“Originally as a measure of royal envoys to negotiate with those Southern dogs! But personally I feel that perhaps the king of the local is scared of Emperor and so we are looking for some bandit camps, which I would attack them. The dog is sharpening its teeth for us to tell you. “
“While you’re at it find some which were not too successful?”
“No. Definitely not. Hiding in the sewing holes as rats, but I say to you, it’s only a matter of time until we find some! “
“I can help you,“ said the Norv and immediately regret it.
“You? And who are you? “
It would not be good for himself to draw attention, but they were travelling in a group and were constantly on the move, so they could hide him and that would be helpful.
“I am … but actually I’m just a wandering story-teller.”
“Story-teller? You look for something similar, but how could help us such a story-teller? “” Well … I know to talk with people, People here know the region better than anyone of you … and so. “
Neither was quite true, it was actually not true at all, but that mattered little now. Female was silent for a long time.
“We will take you!” She said finally.
Assassin was hardly able to suppress the satisfied smile.

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On the web there is a normal formatting with paragraphs and all that sfuff. Please provide a constructive feedback in the coments at my blog as well, so that I know what needs to be fixed.

Thank you all in advice for taking time in this.
Wade Garret
Almost Comfortable
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Re: Claws of Forgotten - feedback needed!

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I stopped reading after:

"The room seemed to shimmer in the evening candles bleak....(Bleak what?) And also to serve the purpose for which people would rather not know. (This makes no sense)
A woman walked carefully, trying not to break the silence, as if afraid that something will (should be WOULD) pop up on her..." (and pop up on her is just awkward)

Sorry, need to edit it.

Good luck
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