"Twas the night before Christmas" - parody contest!

Chris OConnor · Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:44 pm

As Christmas approaches I thought it would be nice to have a lighthearted and fun contest where we work either individually or as a group in writing a parody of the famous "Twas the night before Christmas" poem. Join us in creating something entertaining, on-topic, hilarious and most of all...memorable.

If you'd like to simply write your own version of the poem and submit it here that will suit us just fine. Or you can brainstorm here, out in the open, and work together with other members in penning something unique. There is no reason to feel the need to write a parody of the entire "Twas the night before Christmas," as it is quite lengthy, but have some fun with this and show us your creative side. Write a few lines or a few verses. Just have fun and share it with us!

Please try to make your parody somewhat related to books, reading and especially BookTalk.org. I'm not going to tell you how to do that. That's up to you. I figure the less guidance the more we'll get to see your creative side.

Oh, and keep this rated "PG" as we'd like to be able to share it with the world. Just because a particular word rhymes with another word doesn't mean it has to be used. Keep it clean. Make it funny. Try to relate it to literature, authors, reading, etc... You can use author names and book titles in your verses! You can even use member names if done tastefully. (Wow, did I just invite trouble or what? LOL)

We'll give away free books to those people that contribute the most memorable stuff. How long will this contest remain open? Maybe all the way till Christmas? Who knows! Do you always ask so many questions.

We'll take anything you can offer. If you just want to write the very first verse go for it.

Now here is the original "Twas the night before Christmas"

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the windowI flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

catgirlmissy · Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:26 pm

Twas the night before x-mas, where all through my house strange creatures were crawling all over my spouse.

LOL....this is hard...i'll come back. :lol:

Chris OConnor · Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:46 am

Please do come back! You're off to a good start. LOL

Now keep going!

gratom · Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:39 pm


	catgirlmissy wrote: Twas the night before x-mas, where all through my house strange creatures were crawling all over my spouse.

The cockroaches clung to the bedsheets and stared, searching for breadcrumbs with which they could share.

Gem · Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:31 am

The Zombies were crawling outside in the rain
Searching and seeking for offal and brain
While I in my singlet and Darcy in his cap
Had just settled down for a long winters nap

:mrgreen:

Penelope · Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:55 pm

I didn't make this up:

But I just HAD to post it on here: FORGIVE ME!!!! PLEASE!!!

'Twas A Florida Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town,
no noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down,
no children in flannels were tucked into bed,
they all wore shorty pajamas instead.

To find wreaths of holly, t'was not very hard,
for holly trees grew in every back yard.
In front of the houses, Dads and Moms were
adorning the bushes and coconut palms.

The sleeping kiddies were dreaming in glee,
hoping to find water skis under the tree.
They all knew that Santa was well on his way,
in a Mercedes-Benz, instead of a sleigh.

And soon he arrived and started to work,
he hadn't a second to linger or shirk.
He whizzed up the highways and zoomed up the road,
in a S-L 300, delivering his loads.

The tropical moon gave the city a glow,
and lighted the way for old Santa below.
As he jumped from the auto he gave a wee chuckle,
he was dressed in Bermudas with an Ivy league buckle,

There weren't any chimneys, but that caused no gloom,
for Santa came in through the Florida room.
He stopped at each house....stayed only a minute,
emptying his sack of stuff that was in it.

Before he departed, he treated himself
to a glass of papaya juice upon the shelf.
He turned with a jerk and bounced to the car,
remembering he still had to go very far.

He shifted the gears and stepped on the gas
and up Highway 436 he went like a flash.
And I heard him exclaim as he went on his way,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL, I WISH I COULD STAY!"

Chris OConnor · Sat Nov 28, 2009 1:56 am

I love it, Penelope.

Penelope · Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:33 pm

I thought it was funny, but I didn't write it. If you look at the heading of my post - you'll see that I said it wasn't my work.

Still, glad you enjoyed it.

Penelope · Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:07 am

Hello Mark

Well, it changes as ones children grow into adults. When my three were little we just had a chaotic day with presents and wrapping paper all over the floor as they emptied their pillowcases. They would eat chocolate all day so not really enjoy the traditional Turkey dinner which I always cook.

Then they are teenagers, and don't come home until the small hours, but my three still wanted their pillowcases!!! So Santa used to have to wait until they came home and leave the presents outside their bedroom doors.

Now my children are grown and have their own homes, but I expect the two boys who are single, will come and sleep over on Christmas Eve. My daughter will arrive for Christmas Dinner with my two little grandchildren and her partner. As for warm conversation.......well, that will depend on whether they have hangovers.....but I suppose we all know we are loved and welcome and so enjoy being together.....conversation or not. And I have cooked so many Christmas Dinners over the years that it is no effort really. Now, the washing-up is a different matter.....I don't like that and the Christmas period seems to be made up entirely of cooking and washing up if I'm not careful. So, I shall be careful......

Have a good one, Mark, and all of you.

Suzanne · Thu Dec 10, 2009 7:55 am

Benjy and Caddy crawled up the tree slimy,
Sloshing and slashing and there to remind me
Brain indigestion occurs with a midnight scary story,
I must return to Faulkner's, "The Sound and the Fury".

Suzanne · Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:05 am

Hello Penelope!

Pillowcases, how fun! Is this a tradition you grew up with, I've never heard of it. When I was little, my mother, (oops, I mean Santa) always put oranges in my stocking. She told me that this was an English tradition from her childhood. ???

Suzanne · Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:43 am

Gem wrote:
The Zombies were crawling outside in the rain
Searching and seeking for offal and brain
While I in my singlet and Darcy in his cap
Had just settled down for a long winters nap

Benjy and Caddy crawled up the tree slimy,
Sloshing and slashing and there to remind me
Brain indigestion occurs with a midnight scary story,
I must return to Faulkner's, "The Sound and the Fury".

Penelope · Thu Dec 10, 2009 11:46 am

Hello Suzanne - Season's Greetings!!!!

I used to borrow one of my Mum's Stockings to hang up over the fireplace when I was a little girl. (The type of nylon stocking that used suspenders!!). (P.S. You got nylon stockings from the American Servicemen statationed here during the war!!! My Mum said!!).

Anyway the stocking was always filled with small toys and games (stocking fillers - they still sell them in our shops) and the toe of the stocking, being that last bit to empty, always contained a tangerine, not an orange, and some money in shiney new coins.

We graduated to pillowcases for my kids because Santa used to leave a pillowcase for my husband when he was a boy. His Mum was obviously not on the same friendly terms with the American GI's, as my mum. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

WildCityWoman · Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:21 am

Gem wrote . . .

Re: "Twas the night before Christmas" - parody contest!
The Zombies were crawling outside in the rain
Searching and seeking for offal and brain
While I in my singlet and Darcy in his cap
Had just settled down for a long winters nap

A goodie, Gem!

WildCityWoman · Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:36 am

I miss Christmas of old . . . last night I attended my granddaughter's school concert. It was quite the event - the kids - grade 4 to 6 - were a celebration of talent.

They'd all written and produced a set of 4 silent films inspired by famous stories - one was from the Pied Piper - they'd made their 'rats' with balls of whaddya'callit . . . not celophane - see through wrap anyway - can't remember simple words like this these days . . . and the one who played the pied piper was supposed to be a kindergarten student who magically made the rats follow him out the door . . .

My granddaughter was 'Tom' who was the 'boaster' . . . the kids all challenged her to arm wrestle somebody and she lost. Then they all crowded round her as she sadly sat - told her they loved her, but they were just sick of her bragging.

I'm hoping to get a copy of this collection of 4 silent films so I can put them up - without the kids' names, of course, to protect their identity.

............................

They sang carols - some of the kids did terrific solos - it never ceases to amaze me what talent there is out there.

Something that really impressed me, besides the obvious work on the part of the kids and teachers that went into this event, was the way the principal had the audience all stand for the NATIONAL ANTHEM! OH! CANADA!

Now, that's something you rarely see at public events anymore.

I was pleased as punch to stand there with my daughter and sing

Oh! Canada!
Our home and native land
True patriot love
In all thy sons' command

I was also pleased to see my daughter actually knew and remembered the second verse which I did not.

I was NOT pleased to see the way most of the audience reacted to it - most of them were 'visible minorities', as were their children - some of them did not even want to STAND for the anthem!

And while the few of us who were singing went through the two verses, I noticed the ones who did not sing snickering, and exchanging sardonic looks with each other.

It's really too bad that they think this way about our country; if they didn't know the words, well that's fine - nobody's got a problem with that, I'm sure. But to stand there and make fun of it . . . really.

Were I to have done that in Kenya, in India, in Somalia . . . I would have ended up in the local jail for the night!

I don't quite see they are treated that badly as immigrants/new Canadians by our country. And the event itself was NOT focussed only on the Christian Christmas - it was HAPPY HOLIDAYS and not once was MERRY CHRISTMAS even said. A raffle was held for gift baskets - the proceeds going to a school in Kenya . . . and the kids' singing included many phrases from all the languages that are represented through the children of that school.

My daughter was embarassed because I 'remarked' on this - too loudly!

Well, that was just too bad!

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