Things You'd Love To Say At Work... But Can't

Chris OConnor

Things You'd Love To Say At Work... But Can't

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

Penelope · Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:10 pm Post subject:

Will you please, Mr. Elderley, Pedantic, Batchelor, go forth and nitpick somebody else, before I commit homocide (sic).

Penelope · Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 11:30 am Post subject:

Oy Vey - that post was a 'what I would like to say at work!' not directed at you people on the forum btw.

jales4 · Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:54 pm Post subject:

I love it!!

I have long lobbied for an 'International Say What You Think With No Consequences Day'.

I have actually started smiling in the midst of being harangued, because of the comments running through my head.

Thanks for sharing!

Penelope · Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:18 am Post subject:

Glad to hear from you Jales4. I have been trying to deal with a 'vulnerable' bully at my work.

I would have been as bad as him if I had just said what was in my mind.

So I empathised.......but it was difficult....I have been grateful for this outlet.

jales4 · Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:51 pm Post subject:

Hi Penelope,

Hmm, I'm trying to imagine what tactics a 'vulnerable' bully would use.
I just get the plain bully. No special tricks. Wink

I actually bought and read two books because of a bully at work. Games People Play and How to Deal with Difficult People.

They gave me a bit of insight, but weren't much help.

The best advice I got was from another co-worker when I finally voiced my dismay during a coffee break. (I abhor office politics so I rarely discuss work problems with co-workers).

Anyway, her advice was to just let the bully talk, and bully, and look like an ass. Then go and do or not do as I had planned. It worked. Once she realised she had no power over me, she moved on to someone else.
Either that, or she realised that without me sticking up for myself or arguing, she didn't look like a 'strong, thinking, make-things-happen woman', she just looked like a bully instead.

We have a stress relieving statement we make at work, when things start going downhill, "Strap on your helmet" (because you are going to start banging your head into the wall at any moment).

Just walking past someone and quietly muttering this phrase lets them know that we see what they are dealing with and commiserate. And it makes for a good laugh.

Jan.

Penelope · Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:29 pm Post subject:

Jan - It is such a nuisance when you 'care'.....

My 'vulnerable' bully.....is an elderly batchelor who doesn't know about 'personal space' and criticises everything I do.....and I am experienced.....fortunately I know I am competent and trust my boss. But if I had not got such confidence in my ability and my boss, he would have a destructive effect.

Anyway, boss says he will have a quiet word with the old fart! I have read 'Games People Play' depressing isn't it?

I do recommend - I'm OK, You're OK - have you read that?

There is another book which has had a postive effect on my life - called - Your Eroneous Zones....I can't remember the author. But it is very cheering. Keep in touch. Cool


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