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Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 7 Location: Atlanta
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I am loving this discussion!
I complete agree that a clean break may be necessary if there are still feelings there.
It is ironic that we are discussing this topic today. I was watching old Desperate Housewives episodes on Lifetime. There was a scene where Bree's husband talks about how he loves her, but there is not any passion there. His friend tells him that sometimes you have to make sacrifices for love..even if that sacrifice is passion.
I love how this book almost makes the good, sweet husband sort of an antagonist because he is so perfect. His absence of challenge makes him lackluster. Leo has the benefit of being in the past. Break ups and time have an odd way of shining a light of idealism on events. It goes with that whole "hindsight is 20/20" idea.
This is very random, but there is one part of the book where Ellen discusses how she admired Leo, wanted to be like him. But Margot points out that Leo makes her needy, overly emotional, etc. I felt that way about my ex a lot. I admired his ability to do whatever he wanted, march to the beat of his own drum, and that was a part of the awe and attraction. But in the end, we are best with the ones who bring out the best in us. I think Ellen needed to relive that to remember it.
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Saumya wrote:
I am loving this discussion!
I love how this book almost makes the good, sweet husband sort of an antagonist because he is so perfect. His absence of challenge makes him lackluster. Leo has the benefit of being in the past. Break ups and time have an odd way of shining a light of idealism on events. It goes with that whole "hindsight is 20/20" idea.
This is very random, but there is one part of the book where Ellen discusses how she admired Leo, wanted to be like him. But Margot points out that Leo makes her needy, overly emotional, etc. I felt that way about my ex a lot. I admired his ability to do whatever he wanted, march to the beat of his own drum, and that was a part of the awe and attraction. But in the end, we are best with the ones who bring out the best in us. I think Ellen needed to relive that to remember it.
Agreed, because Andy was easy and non-confrontational, Ellen at times felt like she had settled, because the ever present intensity and spark wasn't there, but while that spark brings out passion, on the down side, it brought out in her the neediness as well.
She did admire Leo's independent spirit, something she was lacking when they were together and I think caused their breakup. Jump forward the years and now Ellen has a successful career and Leo is attracted and wants her. This time, Leo does not bring out her neediness, she has matured, but the old time intensity is back, something she doesn't share with Andy.
I could yammer on about this all night........gosh.
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Here are question #2 and #3. We've talked a bit about #2, that is why I jumped ahead with 3.
2. After running into Leo on the street, Ellen becomes very preoccupied with thoughts of him. Do you think that this is a normal reaction to running into someone you once loved? Do you feel that it is okay to maintain relationships with exes? Explain.
3. The Grahams’ world is vastly different from the world in which Ellen grew up. Would you be attracted to the Grahams’ world? Do you feel that a desire to leave Ellen’s roots behind played a role in her initial friendship with Margot? Do you think it is possible to maintain a close friendship with someone from a much different background? Why or why not?
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I think I may need to find my copy of this book and finish it! But I did read enough to share some thoughts.
Question 1: I am not a believer in fate or destiny. I believe life is an incredible journey that could never be lived the same way twice. Each decision/circumstance takes us down a different path. For instance, every time someone moves or starts a new job, they meet new people, have different choices, etc.
An interesting thing about the fate/destiny debate is that while I find the idea stifling that somehow my life should be following a script, and prefer to be open to my wonderfully unscripted life, I know many who believe in fate find that belief just as exhilerating.
So, I do not think it was fate for the two to meet, but it has presented Ellen with some choices that may definitely impact her future.
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lemme think wrote:
Question 1: I am not a believer in fate or destiny. I believe life is an incredible journey that could never be lived the same way twice. Each decision/circumstance takes us down a different path. For instance, every time someone moves or starts a new job, they meet new people, have different choices, etc.
So, I do not think it was fate for the two to meet, but it has presented Ellen with some choices that may definitely impact her future.
This is quite thought provoking. I lean toward believing in fate and that "everything happens for a reason." Is this because of the choices we've made that lead us to a certain outcome or some destiny that guides our choices. Hmmmmm.........
And, yes, finish the book. What do you think about question #3?
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Hi, I haven't read this book, but am interested by the discussion and think I'll see if I can pick it up.
Quote:
I believe life is an incredible journey that could never be lived the same way twice.
vs
Quote:
I lean toward believing in fate and that "everything happens for a reason."
I think that we can make a reason for everything happening and at least discover a silver lining to everything that happens. But, I believe that every single day you wake up you make choices that affect the outcome of your life. You are not fated for a certain destiny, you find or choose your destiny.
I also believe that you can love two people emotionally but never practically and continuing a relationship with an ex if there are still feelings involved (and why would you want to if there were not?) would only damage your current relationship.
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