Thoughts of an 18 year old

booper54 · Gaining experience Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 90 Gender:

Edited by: booper54 at: 9/23/04 5:51 pm

Chris OConnor · Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 12:58 pm Post subject: Re: Thoughts of an 18 year old

booper54

You might be surprised how many other people are in the same predicament in life. When I was 17 years old I had never even held a girls hand, not to mention kissed her or had sex. Was I ugly or undesirable? No, I was young and inexperienced. I didn’t have a clue actually.

Whether you realize it or not 18 years old is extremely young. Yes, there are 18 year olds that seem to have a ton of girls all over them - this always bugged me when I was your age. But being a slow developer in the girl arena is nothing to be ashamed of or to worry about. You have plenty of time to make up for it. This I promise.

When I was in high school I was skin and bones. At 6'-0" tall I weighed about 135lbs. The school jocks (athletes) would pick on me all the time. My self-esteem was extremely low, and not a single girl showed any interest in me. Not one.

During my senior year in high school one of my friends convinced me to join Gold's Gym and start working out with him. I'm really making a long story short, because I fought him on this suggestion for years. Joining a gym would be humiliating I thought, as all the muscle heads would laugh at me and watch me struggle with the weights.

One day I was walking through the concourse at school, probably the last semester of high school, and this jock grabbed my twig arm and yanked me into the middle of a group of the football players. I was 17 years old and rather mature and in no ways a submissive person. But what could I do? This kid could snap my neck as he outweighed me by at least 40lbs of solid muscle.

So there I am in the middle of maybe 8 football players and the same number of cheerleaders and this asshole reaches in his pocket and pulls out a $5 bill and challenges me to do 1 pushup. He says, "Dude, you are so fucking skinny. I'll give you this $5 if you can do one single pushup." I was beet red and humiliated. One of the jocks knew me from my architectural drawing class and got the loud mouth to back off and let me go. But I couldn’t have done one pushup. Not even one correct pushup. That’s how weak I was.

But that day changed my life. I can understand the hatred a kid can feel for a bully, such as how those Columbine high school Trench Coat Mafia kids felt for the school jocks and popular kids. I'd never do anything so horrible, but I can relate...that's all I'm saying. I hated this guy so much at that moment that I wished death upon him. I'd never been so humiliated in all my life. How could he not know how embarrassed he just made me?

So I joined Gold's Gym and began working out at once. Within a few short months I could actually see my chest starting to grow. Holy shit this freaked me out. I literally looked like I had anorexia, so any growth was an amazing an historical event.

So I kept working out hard. We were in the gym 6 days per week for about 2 hours per day. With what bodybuilders now know about the human body and its reaction to weight training, this was called "over training." We would have actually gotten better results had we chilled out and hit the gym for about 60% of the frequency and duration. The intensity was perfect though. We worked out violently and loved it. Like a fool I went overboard and soon was shooting up with steroids. Very foolish behavior, but I was high on the results I was quickly gaining.

What does this have to do with you? I'm simply sharing what worked for me. I went from being a skinny geek with absolutely no girls having an interest in me, to the complete opposite in a few short years. You're 18 years old. You have so much time ahead of you. I know it’s hard to believe, but you'll be a completely different person in 5 years.... in 10 years....

Here is a funny story, or at least one that is funny to me. One of the jocks that would pick on me came into my gym about 2 years after we graduated from high school. God I detested this bully. Well, I was now about 185lbs as opposed to the 135lbs I was in my senior year. So this stud goes over to the pull up bar with his friend and does about 5 or 6 decent pull-ups. It was obvious 6 was his limit. So I walk over and ask them if they mind if I “work in,” which is gym lingo for share the equipment while they rest between sets. We both pretended like we didn’t recognize each other, but we both knew. I grabbed the chain and strapped a 45lb weight to my waist and burned out a dozen perfect reps while his jaw dropped. Nothing could have felt better than how I felt that day. Nothing. He left the gym and never came back. I hated that fuckwad. What a bully.

Here are some cold hard facts that politically correct people refuse to acknowledge:

Females are attracted to self-confident men. They have little to no interest in a man that appears to be incapable of defending her, supporting her, and producing strong and healthy babies. The baby thing is pure science. Women don't pursue and want to mate with wimps. Wimps appear to have inferior genetics and will produce wimpy children. Welcome to natural selection.

Does this mean working out is the key for you? Of course not. Working out was a tool for me to gain self-confidence. It was the means to an end, not an end in itself. I went from being unattractive with no girls to being whistled at on the beach and everywhere I went. How do you think this affects self-confidence? I went from having no girls interested in me to dating literally dozens and dozens of extremely attractive girls over the next 10+ years. I could have probably done the same had I gained self-confidence through another means.

You will naturally mature and change over time, but I'm suggesting a few things that many of the intellectuals on this site will probably not agree with even a little bit. I urge you to work on yourself like a sculptor does a lump of clay. Look in the mirror and pretend you're a girl looking at you.

Are you clean? ...Confident? How do you dress? Dress like you care about yourself and you attract a higher caliber of female. Dress in grunge and old jeans and you attract girls that think that’s all they deserve or are worth. Personal hygiene is essential. Brush your teeth a few times a day, floss, use deodorant, keep your hair looking good, wear cologne lightly, and get rid of the ragged clothing. Basically, take care of yourself. Look like a bum and you'll attract trailer trash women.

Yes, this is the physical stuff.... I know. But guess what? We're animals. Do you think girls look at guys and think, "Wow, I bet he has a warm personality and good heart." Only on Fantasy Island. No, those girls are checking out your clothing, shoes, style of hair, personal hygiene, smile, attitude, confidence, etc... Only after you have passed this first test will they get to know your personality and what a sweet person you are. Cold? Definitely. But welcome to reality.

I drive a Lexus ES300. It's the nicest automobile I've ever owned and I've had to work up to it slowly. Here is the amusing thing. My last car was a 1986 Toyota Corolla. When I drove my Corolla and stopped at red lights it was like I was invisible. Ahh...but now the luxurious Lexus rolls up and women are peeking. Every day females are looking over at me and checking me out.... when I'm in my Lexus. Why? Right or wrong they seek a man that is successful, and a man driving a Lexus must either be a success or a criminal. Either way he appears stronger than a man driving a Corolla. Cold hard reality, and something women will argue with all day long. But reality paints a different picture.

Female BookTalk members might join this discussion and claim they aren't so superficial. Maybe they aren't, but I promise you this. Most women are. And I don't consider this superficiality. It is a normal screening process. Peahens seek out the peacocks with the most impressive plumage. Why? How could a peacock’s bright plumage affect the standard of living of the peahen? All of this selection stuff is happening at a deeper level. The peahen is attracted to the bright and brilliant plumage because that plumage is indicative of better genetics. A self-confident and attractive man appears to have better genetics than a cowardly passive man.

The man that dresses like he cares about himself, drives a clean and quality car, walks with self-confidence and authority, is much more attractive to most females than the wimpy man that giggles and seems unsure of himself. You're 18 years old so I don't suggest you strive for being a bodybuilder or a Lexus owner this month. I'm simply saying that you ought not lie to yourself. Looks matter. Confidence matters. Personal hygiene is vital. Control your life and make smart decisions, because this tells women you won't destroy their lives and their future children’s with poor behavior.

But none of this superficial stuff really matters, right? Maybe not. Perhaps our species has evolved past the point where such silly things should matter...but they do. I promise you they matter.

You're probably a good person. You have a good heart and would treat a girl like a princess. Guess what? Not all women even want this. Wow, this will get some comments I'm sure. I'd say that most women place self-confidence and control above being treated well. Yes, you need to be a good man and respect and love fully, but don't underestimate the power of the superficial.

I could share all sorts of personal stories here that support these ideas, but I'm going to refrain. I'm planting a seed and you have the option of watering it and letting it grow.

For most of my life I have been considered the type of guy girls want to take home to their mother. And I have dozens of real life friends reading BookTalk, even though those fruitcakes don't post here. So who knows who is reading this....I'm sure I'll hear about it up at the martini bar. My point is as follows. When I was at my peak in bodybuilding girls hit on me everyday. They flirted and actually asked me out. And I'm not very good looking - probably average. But I worked on my body, and this seemed to do the trick.

Underneath the muscle was a really quality person. By having a desirable body, or brilliant plumage, I naturally increased the probability of attracting a girl, or peahen. It wasn't until those girls initiated a conversation that they realized there was much more to Chris O'Connor than a nice ass. The nice ass was a conversation piece. It was what opened the doors so to speak. Once we talked things moved smoothly from there.

Ahhh...but then I quit working out and got fat over a period of about 8 years. At my max weight I weighed 245lbs, which was back in December of 2003. Slacking off at the gym, eating like an idiot, and generally taking my life for granted led me to lose most of what I had worked so hard for since that first workout at Gold's Gym.

Years went by without a single girl looking my way. I cannot tell you how bad this destroyed my self-confidence. Years and years went by. Underneath the fat was the same quality person. Why the hell didn't women see it? Why didn't they look deeper?

Answer: They didn't give a rats ass. No girl wants to be with a man that doesn't take care of himself. Ouch. Reality can hurt.

Taking care of yourself isn't all physical, but the physical is an essential component. Look your best without being vain and you will enhance your chances of finding an awesome girl. Look like you don't give a damn about yourself and you'll grow old alone, or even worse you'll attract a girl that doesn't care about herself and the two of you will lay around feeling like shit about yourselves together for the rest of your lives.

Since December 2003 I've lost 35lbs of fat and been working out again rather hard. I've completely changed my body and am back on the road towards self-confidence. Again, we all must find our own path to feeling good about ourselves. I'm not suggesting weight training as the key, but as one small piece of the pie for me. It helped me.

I just typed a mile-a-minute, so this post might come across as harsh or shallow. If you want to discuss things simply post and ask questions or make comments. I don't profess to knowing all the answers, but I do have some experience and have been in your shoes. I completely know the feeling of being lonely and wondering why girls don't find me attractive. I distinctly remember how all the girls said I was so "cute" and "adorable" at 17 years old, but not a single one wanted to date me. Not one. I was just so damn sweet I gave them cavities.

Ahh...but then my ass turned into a rock and things changed. LOL

Chris

"For Every Winner, There Are Dozens Of Losers. Odds Are You're One Of Them"

Edited by: Chris OConnor at: 8/17/04 2:13 pm

booper54 · Gaining experience Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 90 Gender:

Haha, I find it funny that you mention the fact that your car attracts women. About 3 weeks ago I parked in a parking lot with my yellow 1991 Toyota MR2 Turbo that I had just bought about a week before that. VERY sweet car, hehe (Click here for a pic). Anyways, I got out and started walking and these 3 girls came up to me and started talking to me, and eventually we exchanged phone numbers. Nothing like that had ever happened to me! While we talked they also mentioned how they liked my car, and later I realized that's probably what attracted them.

Edited by: booper54 at: 9/23/04 5:51 pm

booper54 · Gaining experience Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 90 Gender:

Your story was pretty inspirational

Edited by: booper54 at: 9/23/04 5:53 pm

zillypill · Getting comfortable Joined: 12 Dec 2004 Posts: 7 Gender:

One thing - about the cars - it's not always little sports cars. I, personally, catch myself "peeking" as you put it, at F150s and other trucks like that. Not big old disels, or little junkers...nice trucks. I think it's an Alaska thing...0.0

Chris OConnor · Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2004 10:10 am Post subject: Re: Thoughts of an 18 year old

Zilly

I guess whatever vehicle represents success or confidence will work. I'm fond of the Ram 1500 personally.

Chris


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