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Hilarious Bible verses
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- DWill
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
It's not a serious worry, just to clarify. Both the buffoonish wordplay and the amazing archives are highly entertaining!
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
stahrwe
TO see the deception practiced by the originator of the instant post one needs to note the word OMITTED which I added to the above quote. The convention is that when making a direct quote where part of the material quoted is left out the individual quoting the material inserts an ellipses (...) to indicate the omission. That was not done in the above quote even though material was left out, specifically two words, "Of Jerusalem." When added, the impression left by the quote is one of correction rather than celebration.
I don't know whether the author of this post has an excuse for his error or not, but he should apologize to the BT members for the deception.
In order to provide the actual context, I am quoting Zephaniah 3 in its entirety. Oh, and Zephaniah is frequently quoted in churches as it deals with eschatological issues.
BT members may think this nitpicking BUT errors like this, if it was an error, betrays bias and impeaches the credibility of atheists when they do this.
Regrettably, I do not have time to address all of the verses covered in this discussion but I strongly urge consideration of the context of the verses. Oh, and RD may be fun to quote but he has little to no understanding of the OT.
This is typical of attacks on the Bible and brings to mind the Atheist Turtle maxim that Stupidity is an excuse but Ignorance isn't. To that I need to add that DECEPTION is evil.youkrst wrote:
i was researching some bible verses for ant in another thread and came across a couple of classics that were really funny!
"I have wiped out many nations, devastating their fortress walls and towers. Their cities are now deserted; their streets are in silent ruin. There are no survivors to even tell what happened. OMITTED I thought, 'Surely they will have reverence for me now! Surely they will listen to my warnings, so I won't need to strike again.' But no; however much I punish them, they continue their evil practices from dawn till dusk and dusk till dawn." So now the LORD says: "Be patient; the time is coming soon when I will stand up and accuse these evil nations. For it is my decision to gather together the kingdoms of the earth and pour out my fiercest anger and fury on them. All the earth will be devoured by the fire of my jealousy. "On that day I will purify the lips of all people, so that everyone will be able to worship the LORD together. My scattered people who live beyond the rivers of Ethiopia will come to present their offerings. (Zephaniah 3:6-10 NLT)
TO see the deception practiced by the originator of the instant post one needs to note the word OMITTED which I added to the above quote. The convention is that when making a direct quote where part of the material quoted is left out the individual quoting the material inserts an ellipses (...) to indicate the omission. That was not done in the above quote even though material was left out, specifically two words, "Of Jerusalem." When added, the impression left by the quote is one of correction rather than celebration.
I don't know whether the author of this post has an excuse for his error or not, but he should apologize to the BT members for the deception.
In order to provide the actual context, I am quoting Zephaniah 3 in its entirety. Oh, and Zephaniah is frequently quoted in churches as it deals with eschatological issues.
BT members may think this nitpicking BUT errors like this, if it was an error, betrays bias and impeaches the credibility of atheists when they do this.
Regrettably, I do not have time to address all of the verses covered in this discussion but I strongly urge consideration of the context of the verses. Oh, and RD may be fun to quote but he has little to no understanding of the OT.
Zephaniah 3
1 Woe to the city of oppressors,
rebellious and defiled!
2 She obeys no one,
she accepts no correction.
She does not trust in the LORD,
she does not draw near to her God.
3 Her officials within her
are roaring lions;
her rulers are evening wolves,
who leave nothing for the morning.
4 Her prophets are unprincipled;
they are treacherous people.
Her priests profane the sanctuary
and do violence to the law.
5 The LORD within her is righteous;
he does no wrong.
Morning by morning he dispenses his justice,
and every new day he does not fail,
yet the unrighteous know no shame.
Jerusalem Remains Unrepentant
6 “I have destroyed nations;
their strongholds are demolished.
I have left their streets deserted,
with no one passing through.
Their cities are laid waste;
they are deserted and empty.
7 Of Jerusalem I thought,
‘Surely you will fear me
and accept correction!’
Then her place of refuge[a] would not be destroyed,
nor all my punishments come upon her.
But they were still eager
to act corruptly in all they did.
8 Therefore wait for me,”
declares the LORD,
“for the day I will stand up to testify.[c]
I have decided to assemble the nations,
to gather the kingdoms
and to pour out my wrath on them—
all my fierce anger.
The whole world will be consumed
by the fire of my jealous anger.
Restoration of Israel’s Remnant
9 “Then I will purify the lips of the peoples,
that all of them may call on the name of the LORD
and serve him shoulder to shoulder.
10 From beyond the rivers of Cush[d]
my worshipers, my scattered people,
will bring me offerings.
11 On that day you, Jerusalem, will not be put to shame
for all the wrongs you have done to me,
because I will remove from you
your arrogant boasters.
Never again will you be haughty
on my holy hill.
12 But I will leave within you
the meek and humble.
The remnant of Israel
will trust in the name of the LORD.
13 They will do no wrong;
they will tell no lies.
A deceitful tongue
will not be found in their mouths.
They will eat and lie down
and no one will make them afraid.”
14 Sing, Daughter Zion;
shout aloud, Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
Daughter Jerusalem!
15 The LORD has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.
The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm.
16 On that day
they will say to Jerusalem,
“Do not fear, Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
17 The LORD your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”
18 “I will remove from you
all who mourn over the loss of your appointed festivals,
which is a burden and reproach for you.
19 At that time I will deal
with all who oppressed you.
I will rescue the lame;
I will gather the exiles.
I will give them praise and honor
in every land where they have suffered shame.
20 At that time I will gather you;
at that time I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise
among all the peoples of the earth
when I restore your fortunes[e]
before your very eyes,”
says the LORD.
n=Infinity
Sum n = -1/12
n=1
where n are natural numbers.
Sum n = -1/12
n=1
where n are natural numbers.
- Interbane
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
I don't know Stahrwe. Even your cherry picked bold texts don't hide how terrible that passage is. The jealous god that destroys nations because everyone is evil. Right, even the babies. Every single person. Why believes this stuff?
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.” - Douglas Adams
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
I did not cherry pick the text. I took the first one I came to in the thread and discovered it was reproduced in a deceptive way. No surprise there but a disappointment.
As to the other, I'll leave that to RD to deal with. Misrepresenting God has certainly been good for him.
As to the other, I'll leave that to RD to deal with. Misrepresenting God has certainly been good for him.
n=Infinity
Sum n = -1/12
n=1
where n are natural numbers.
Sum n = -1/12
n=1
where n are natural numbers.
- Interbane
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
I guess you didn't cherry pick, technically. But all I saw was the word "OMITTED" five stories tall. Everything else was blurred out by it.
But don't you follow the logic behind the scenes? The only way god can have the 3 O's, yet have destroyed nations and poured his wrath on them, is if absolutely every person was absolutely evil. Otherwise, the conceptual definitions make it a contradiction. It can't be true.
You have to believe every person harmed by the acts of god were evil, including infants. It's a silly fantasy.
But don't you follow the logic behind the scenes? The only way god can have the 3 O's, yet have destroyed nations and poured his wrath on them, is if absolutely every person was absolutely evil. Otherwise, the conceptual definitions make it a contradiction. It can't be true.
You have to believe every person harmed by the acts of god were evil, including infants. It's a silly fantasy.
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.” - Douglas Adams
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
And if true, then one must conclude, since their are none that are not evil, that God created them that way and to destroy them for being exactly what he created them to be would be wrong.Interbane wrote:I guess you didn't cherry pick, technically. But all I saw was the word "OMITTED" five stories tall. Everything else was blurred out by it.
But don't you follow the logic behind the scenes? The only way god can have the 3 O's, yet have destroyed nations and poured his wrath on them, is if absolutely every person was absolutely evil. Otherwise, the conceptual definitions make it a contradiction. It can't be true.
You have to believe every person harmed by the acts of god were evil, including infants. It's a silly fantasy.
If there are no exceptions to a rule then the rule has to be the normal.
I do not agree with this link but offer it to stir thought. It posits that we are born evil and I believe or interpret the facts to the opposite conclusion. That is, while born able to do evil, we default to good while keeping a bias against those we do not see as friends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phwHEE-Zz_A
Regards
DL
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
"Of Jerusalem." When added, the impression left by the quote is one of correction rather than celebration.
We are not talking about correction or celebration, this is genocide - in some cases war crimes so horrendous nothing that breathes is allowed to live. Normally when providing additional context, it's expected to improve your argument. Not so in this case: whether adding or omitting the phrase "Of Jerusalem", we're dealing with immoral actions and threats from a bronze age diety.
_______________________________________________________
When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; even though you multiply your prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are covered with blood.
Isaiah 1:15
But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.
Exodus 21: 23 - 25
When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; even though you multiply your prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are covered with blood.
Isaiah 1:15
But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.
Exodus 21: 23 - 25
- Interbane
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
There are a thousand ways this is contradictory.And if true, then one must conclude, since their are none that are not evil, that God created them that way and to destroy them for being exactly what he created them to be would be wrong.
Any omniscient god could foresee the infinite future of any creation of his, free will or not. Any omnipotent god could then slightly alter his creation to prevent such a future.
Give them slightly more self-restraint to avoid eating the fruit of the tree, or perhaps slightly more skepticism so that they wouldn't fall victim to the trickery of the serpent. On and on, the issues that the 3 O's inevitably must be able to solve pop up in the worldview. How can the resulting cognitive dissonance be suppressed?
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
We have no evidence of an omnipotent God. The God of scriptures cannot even reproduce true so even man is more powerful than God in that sense.Interbane wrote:There are a thousand ways this is contradictory.And if true, then one must conclude, since their are none that are not evil, that God created them that way and to destroy them for being exactly what he created them to be would be wrong.
Any omniscient god could foresee the infinite future of any creation of his, free will or not. Any omnipotent god could then slightly alter his creation to prevent such a future.
Give them slightly more self-restraint to avoid eating the fruit of the tree, or perhaps slightly more skepticism so that they wouldn't fall victim to the trickery of the serpent. On and on, the issues that the 3 O's inevitably must be able to solve pop up in the worldview. How can the resulting cognitive dissonance be suppressed?
The bottom line on sinners has to be, if there are no exceptions to a rule that all are sinners, then the rule has to be that we all sin and that that is normal. Otherwise, obviously, we would have at least some who did not sin.
This is irrefutable and there is no contradiction.
Regards
DL
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Re: Hilarious Bible verses
sometimes the translation can make quite a difference...
this verse in the KJV is one thing
this verse in the KJV is one thing
but in the NIV it brings it out more...Ezekiel 23:20King James Version (KJV)
20 For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
i can just see old Yahweh thinking... hmmmm now how shall i put this...Ezekiel 23:20New International Version (NIV)
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
but not all verses are so sombre for the Lord is also a party manNo one whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off shall be admitted to the assembly of the LORD. Deuteronomy 23:1 NRSV
just things to be aware of if you're planning a picture bibleProv 5:19 Like a loving deer, a beautiful doe, let her breasts satisfy you all the time. Be constantly intoxicated by her love.
Last edited by youkrst on Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.