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Love the One You're With - Emily Giffin
Let's talk about this book. I've invited some others from Emily's facebook page, I'm looking forward to the discussion.
1. Ellen and Leo’s meeting at the crosswalk is accidental—or it is fate? Do you believe in fate or destiny? How have fate and destiny played a role in your own life?
I happen to love the saying "nothing is accidental." So, I guess I believe fate plays a role in everyday happenings. So, I guess Ellen was supposed to see Leo after many years, she needed to work through her feelings.
In my own life, fate/destiny/a higher power, in my case God, has played a significant role in creating my family.
Saumya and Rachel, looking forward to your comments. Diane
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Love The One You're With Book Discussion 2
After running into Leo on the street, Ellen becomes very preoccupied with thoughts of him. Do you think that this is a normal reaction to running into someone you once loved? Do you feel that it is okay to maintain relationships with exes? Explain.
I think there are some relationships that never leave us. If you truly loved someone, especially to such an intense level, I honestly think they'll always have a teeny tiny piece of your heart. I went through a very similar situation and felt the same way.
As far as maintaining relationships with the exes, it should be okay. Exes can provide a lot of insight about yourself, prevent you from repeating certain mistakes, etc. An ex will also know certain parts of you in a way nobody else ever well, because different people trigger us in different ways. It would be sad to retain none of that just because the romantic relationship did not work out.
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Hey, sorry!
I forgot to put my post about that!
I agree with you about nothing being an accident. Fate and destiny definitely take us to where we belong and give us what we have.
Even though Ellen was immersed in her wonderful life, I think that she obviously had unanswered questions and feelings that prevented her for having closure. Her entire escapade with Leo made her bond with Andy even stronger.
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It sounds crazy, but I ran into an ex boyfriend (who was, of course, very intense and brooding) while I was with my current boyfriend (who is sweet, gentle, and wonderful) and found myself experiencing those same feelings.
I think that when some of us women are with easygoing guys who make a relationship feel like a walk in the park, we think something is wrong. We somehow think that conflict makes it real, romantic, even.
It was Ellen's fate to relive a bond with Leo in order to appreciate Andy.
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Saumya wrote:
I agree with you about nothing being an accident. Fate and destiny definitely take us to where we belong and give us what we have.
Even though Ellen was immersed in her wonderful life, I think that she obviously had unanswered questions and feelings that prevented her for having closure. Her entire escapade with Leo made her bond with Andy even stronger.
Agreed, yet, we still have some control. We make choices and those choices place us on our paths. I think we can change our direction, but, when something uncomfortable or unfortunate happens to me in real life, I think pragmatically and ask, "What am I supposed to learn from this experience?"
And yes, after all the Leo drama, Ellen was able to finally make a choice, and choose Andy, making them much stronger.
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Saumya wrote:
It sounds crazy, but I ran into an ex boyfriend (who was, of course, very intense and brooding) while I was with my current boyfriend (who is sweet, gentle, and wonderful) and found myself experiencing those same feelings.
I think that when some of us women are with easygoing guys who make a relationship feel like a walk in the park, we think something is wrong. We somehow think that conflict makes it real, romantic, even.
It was Ellen's fate to relive a bond with Leo in order to appreciate Andy.
Saumya, go with the nice guy, they do finish first in the end. I don't know what it is about the brooding types, they are the more intense relationships and because we feel more, our emotions are more raw when in that relationship, I think they stay with us longer.
I married a "good guy" years and years ago and that's the way to go.
Oh, thanks, I'm a very positive person, and I don't have to much adversity. My problems are of the, why did I not make that sale to this customer type probs. Kids and family life are pretty blissful here.
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Thanks for the advice! I think you are so right, especially since you speak from experience as well. I love your point about the brooding guys making our emotions feel raw.
It's interesting how Ellen was romantically involved with two guys that were such foils of one another. Did you ever watch The Notebook? I felt as though in the movie, Allie went with the more intense guy, instead of the one who was easier. Also in Sex and the City, Carrie ended up with the dysfunctional Mr. Big instead of the laid back Aidan.
It is so cool how different forums incorporate this theme and these two different types of guys.
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I did watch The Notebook, quite a while ago, but can't speak to any SitC stuff, I've never watched it.
Different guys bring out different aspects of our personalities. I have often wondered how a person can be in love with two people at the same time, but I do think it is possible.
Off to run errands with kiddos, I'll be back later tonight. I'm so enjoying "talking" with you Saumya.
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I just finished this book and loved it...as well as Emily Giffin's other three books.
I really think everything happens for a reason...the people we meet, the experiences we have...even if it doesn't make sense or feel right at the time, I think everything that happens to us leads us to where we are at any given point in time. I guess that's another way of saying "fate" exists. But I do agree that we have control over these things in our lives and we make choices that guide us through these experiences. Also, we can "choose" to learn from our experiences or to repeat mistakes. For the majority of the book, Ellen is at the crossroads of this choice looking from one path to the other. Thoughts of Leo are followed by thoughts of Andy and vice versa.
It's really interesting to think about how unresolved issues/feelings from the past can follow you years later into the present. In order for Ellen to truly move forward with her new life, she needed to close the door on Leo. But not everyone gets a chance to go back and see 'what could have been' or 'what went wrong' like Ellen did. What would have happened if she saw Leo in the crosswalk and that was enough to stir up her feelings but she never actually got to talk to him? Would her love for Andy have been strong enough to overcome her feelings for Leo or would that have been enough for her marriage to end?
As Saumya said..I think that maintaining a relationship with an ex, especially one you truly loved/shared your life with, can be an incredible experience although it may seem like a feat. After all, this person probably knows you on a level that most people will never know you. It is unfortunate that many relationships end with little promise of a friendship or even amicable camaraderie.
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Hi Rendezvous - welcome. I've read all 4 books as well, and loved them all.
I'm in the camp that thinks it would be very difficult to maintain a friendship with an ex such as Leo. A passionate, intense relationship like this one would need a clean break, I just don't see how it could translate into a platonic friendship.......
Plus, any new partner, such as Andy would be threatened.
Should we do a new question a day? Should we let the conversations evolve more organically? I just love this subject matter, so I'm good regardless.
About me - I'm on the computer a lot, but I work part time and have kids and a hubby, so I'll be on in spurts. Just wanted to let you know, but this is fun.
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Thanks Diane! I agree...I think most times, a clean break is necessary- especially in an intense relationship such as that of Ellen and Leo. And even more importantly, in a relationship where one person still harbors feelings for the other. This was definitely not a situation where Ellen could have still maintained a platonic/enriching relationship with Leo while being happily married to Andy.
If ever possible though....perhaps in situations where people are friends first and then try their hand at a relationship and fail...maintaining a purely platonic friendship can be meaningful.
I like talking about this stuff too...it's cool to see what other people think. Whenever I finish a book I feel sad (yeah I'm a dork) that it's over so it's exciting to have a dialogue with people who have experienced the same books. I'm on the computer almost every day so I'll check in when I can to see what's going on here!
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