Just converted to Christianity, need some help!

LightYagami · Sat Jun 04, 2011 4:30 pm

Dear Christians,
I have recently converted to Christianity. I do need some advise form you, however, regarding some elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that i may posses slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't i own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that i am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her Menstrual uncleanliness- Lev.15:19-24. The problem is how do i tell? I tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. When i burn a bull on an alter as a sacrifice, i know it creates a pleasing odor for my Lord- Lev 1:9. The problem is my neighbors, they claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should i smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am i morally obligated to kill him myself, or should i ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abominations?

7. Most of my friends get there hair trimmed, including the hair around there temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev 19:27. How should they die?

8. I know from Lev.11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but can i still play football if i wear gloves?

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different types of thread(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we get the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with there in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so i'm confident you can help.

P.S: We should totally get together and do some dragon hunting, i know where they nest! :lol:

stahrwe · Sat Jun 04, 2011 4:59 pm


	LightYagami wrote: Dear Christians, I have recently converted to Christianity. I do need some advise form you, however, regarding some elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

Wow, how did you get the dust off this old garbage? Try coming up with something at least from this century if you can't do something original.

Dexter · Sat Jun 04, 2011 5:14 pm


	LightYagami wrote: Dear Christians, I have recently converted to Christianity. I do need some advise form you, however, regarding some elements of God's Laws and how to follow them. 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that i may posses slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't i own Canadians?

Happy to help. You can, of course. Your friend is mistaken.


	Quote: 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

Whatever the market will bear. Try Ebay.


	Quote: 3. I know that i am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her Menstrual uncleanliness- Lev.15:19-24. The problem is how do i tell? I tried asking, but most women take offence.

Good question. A little tricky, that one. Keep asking until you get a good result.


	Quote: 4. When i burn a bull on an alter as a sacrifice, i know it creates a pleasing odor for my Lord- Lev 1:9. The problem is my neighbors, they claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should i smite them?

Obviously.


	Quote: 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am i morally obligated to kill him myself, or should i ask the police to do it?

Do your duty man. Come on now.


	Quote: 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abominations?

Either way you're going to hell, what difference does it make?


	Quote: 7. Most of my friends get there hair trimmed, including the hair around there temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

Stoning is always good. And a crowd pleaser.


	Quote: 8. I know from Lev.11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but can i still play football if i wear gloves?

Guessing on this one. Go for it, what's the worst that can happen? Hell?


	Quote: 9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different types of thread(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we get the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with there in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Absolutely, as long as they end up dead.

Well done young man. You will make a fine Christian.

stahrwe · Sat Jun 04, 2011 5:55 pm

One more point LightYagami, everything you cited was from the Old Testament law for the Jewish nation. 1) That legal system was vacated in the New Testament for Jewish Christians, & 2) Acts 15 makes it very clear that gentiles who become Christianis do not have to observe the law of Moses anyway. Either way you're questions are not pertinent and haven't been for 2000 years.

If the source you got them from knew anything about the Bible they wouldn't have misled you by posting them. I know atheist think it is funny to post those questions. Christians think it is funny too, but the butt of the joke is different. Too bad.

wilde · Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:28 pm

This post made me giggle. Granted, to Christians, the OT isn't really law, but when you do think about it... it's like, who thought these rules were a good idea? o__o

Also, stahrwe, you don't really have to post in large font... just saying...

LightYagami · Sun Jun 05, 2011 2:21 am

stahrwe wrote:


	LightYagami wrote: Dear Christians, I have recently converted to Christianity. I do need some advise form you, however, regarding some elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

Wow, how did you get the dust off this old garbage? Try coming up with something at least from this century if you can't do something original.

Can you show me where i stole this from?

Nortonman · Sun Jun 05, 2011 4:25 am


	wilde wrote: This post made me giggle. Granted, to Christians, the OT isn't really law, but when you do think about it... it's like, who thought these rules were a good idea? o__o

Some of them grew up now work in Washington. :wink:

Robert Tulip · Sun Jun 05, 2011 5:10 am


	LightYagami wrote: Can you show me where i stole this from?

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp

wilde · Sun Jun 05, 2011 12:35 pm

Nortonman wrote:


	wilde wrote: This post made me giggle. Granted, to Christians, the OT isn't really law, but when you do think about it... it's like, who thought these rules were a good idea? o__o

Some of them grew up now work in Washington. :wink:

A bunch of old guys in suits sitting around deciding... "Hmm, I think we should bring back stoning!" "Yes! Brilliant!"

Heh.

Azrael · Sun Jun 05, 2011 2:06 pm

Yeah I would say you need help, professional help!

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