Dog in Heat (joke)

Chris OConnor · Fri Jul 02, 2010 2:46 pm

I usually don't share jokes that circulate via email but this one made me laugh.


	Quote: 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.' 'What's that mean?' asked the child. 'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.' The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.' Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.' The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?' (YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! ! ) The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.' If you ain't laffin'... You ain't livin'

bleachededen · Fri Jul 02, 2010 11:10 pm

Cute.

stahrwe · Fri Jul 23, 2010 7:33 am

Rather than start a new discussion, since this is dog related I thought I would post this here:

I was walking down a street in Jacksonville, NC last week looking for my car (forgot where I parked) when I saw a yard sign that read: Talking Dog for Sale.

Of course that got my curiousity up so I knocked on the door and an elderly gentleman answered. He looked like the old man on Up

"You have a talking dog for sale?" I asked.

"Sure do sonny," he said squinting at me. "You interested?"

"Sure," I said.

"Well come on in then and have a seat," he said leading me to an overstuffed chair. "I'll get the dog."

I sat down and the old man disappeared down the hall. A few minutes later he emerged from a back room leading a forelorn looking German Shepherd.

The dog walked up to where I was sitting and sat down looking at me as the old man sat on a sofa nearby.

The old man didn't say anything and I wasn't sure what to do, so feeling more than a bit silly, and looking for a hidden camera, I addressed the dog, "Can you really talk?"

"Sure can," the dog replied. You might think I was surprised, but my initial reaction was that it was a trick. That somehow the old man was throwing his voice, or maybe there was a hidden radio or something else in play. But the old man seemed annoyed and I didn't detect the mechanical sound normal when you hear sound from a small speaker. Plus, the dog was right in front of me and that's where the sound came from.

"I know," the dog said, "It's hard to believe but it is true. I can talk."

Much to my surprise I spoke back to him, "When did you start talking?"

"When I was a puppy. I just started talking one day."

The old man growled (ironic) and spit in disgust.

"That is unusual," I replied.

"I know, and I have had an unusual life as a result. I started out as a guard dog on the border in Berlin but when I was suspect of spying I was sold to a Chalet in the Alps. There I spent my time rescuing skiers stuck in the snow. It was a great job. Because I could talk, they outfitted me with a special radio. I could search the mountains on my own and radio for help when I located a victim. I save dozens of people there."

"Wow," I said.

The old man seemed ready to jump out of his chair at this point.

"But my best job was when I worked at the Vatican. I had the run of the place and because the Pope didn't tell people I could talk and understand, I could evesdrop on the political intrigue going on. I became very close to JPII but the high stress took a toll on me and I had a nervous breakdown. That's how I ended up with the old man. I needed a low stress home and so the Vatican sold me to him."

I looked at the old man who was shaking his head in disgust.

"Sir, You have an amazing animal here. Why on earth do you want to sell him?"

"Because," the old man said standing up and pointing at the dog, "He's a liar. He never did any of that stuff!"

Ba Da Bum.

NoAmount · Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:32 am

Haha, hilarious dog jokes.

Let me share one, too:

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"

rocio44 · Thu Jan 20, 2011 3:38 pm

LMAO too funny, I enjoyed both dog jokes

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