Dear President Bush

Doc Tiessen · Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 12:00 pm Post subject: Dear President Bush

Dear President Bush,

We wish you the happiest of holidays, and we thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. You have been democratically elected, but God has chosen you te be our leader. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. A nation under God. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man And a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them That Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws?
(Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Yours in the Love of Christ.

Diversity is Good!

sandor at the zoo · Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2004 2:58 pm Post subject: Re: Dear President Bush

This was (largely) plagiarized from an Episode of The West Wing called "The Midterms", which was itself borrowed from a letter to Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Not that I don't agree with the general sentiment - religious objections to homosexuality are nonsense if you try to apply them to anyone but yourself - but let's not pretend any of this is original material.

S

More dangerous ideas like this at The Zoo.

http://the-zoo.blogspot.com/

LevNicholiavichMyshkin · Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 12:51 pm Post subject: Re: Dear President Bush

well, the best thing about bush is:

he's NOT kerry!! :smokin

RickU · Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:33 pm Post subject: Re: Dear President Bush

It's good and funny whether it's original or not.

In Vino Veritas


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